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We Infiltrated the Bougie Underbelly of Centennial Hall: Here’s What We Found

Have you ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes in the dorms on campus? One of the more prestigious living quarters is Centennial Hall, where most of the beloved basketball team lives, is known for its immediate proximity to Whole Foods and a pretty O.K. view of the Chicago skyline. What you might not know, is that there’s some weird shit that goes on in Centennial. We’re here to expose the bizarre underbelly of Centennial Hall.

5.) Lounges that are so empty it’s spooky???:

If you want some privacy from your roommates or want to make a personal phone call Centennial has you covered with three, yes you read this correctly THREE deadly silent lounges. They are literally always empty. The Big Mama lounge has plenty of furniture to abhor the sound, but if you like acoustics then the baby lounges are there for you. Bring your guitar and prepare for an echo chamber! Isn’t that how John Mayer got discovered?



4.) Steamy windows in the laundry room:


Don’t know where to take your partner for your next date? Bring your boo to the laundry room where it’s hot and steamy. Due to the sexy lack of airflow you and your lover will always be turned on, just like the machines. It’s often so humid that you can see steam on the windows and walls. You two will be tumbling around like that comforter in the dryer.


3.) Big Brother lives here:

If you are always feeling scared about your safety, then Centennial is the place for you. However, if you consider yourself a lawbreaker, then never live in Centennial. Campus Security is right when you get off the elevator! They are there 24/7, even at 11:34 a.m. Their surveillance headquarters seem like a pretty dope setup though—just make sure you don’t get caught with that extension cord!

2.) A view to exploit:

What a nice view of downtown! Take a moment to appreciate all the good things in your life. Now exploit that view and put it in the background in every single one of your selfies. Start a film project and have the main character leaning on the edge of the parking lot looking out at the city at night. Is it snowing? Who cares?! This is art people!

1.) Literally…what?:

Many people just want simple instructions in their daily life, nothing too difficult. Yet, Centennial wants to challenge is residents by only letting you go to the first and third floor. But the third floor button actually takes you to the second floor. Why do they want to mislead us? As with most things at this school, this elevator is unnecessarily complicated.

All in all, Centennial Hall provides a place for many to rest their heads at night. It also provides us with a whole treasure trove of weird things. Let’s just hope you can make it to your room all right. Maybe take the stairs instead.


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