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POLL: What’s the Least-F***able Major at DePaul?

We asked and DePaul answered! In our neverending efforts to determine the social rank of DePaul, this week we strived to determine the least fuckable majors out of some very unfuckable majors. Thank you so much to everyone that responded, and to those who didn’t, you are the real least fuckable demographic of DePaul!

5.) “Other” (scattered percentages):

While we dictated four of the options for this poll, we also allowed creativity from the student body to offer their own suggestions! While all options had their merits, a few favorites stuck out. Some top picks include “Being a Reporter for the Black Sheep,” “Why does this matter? Do something productive,” “Having I worked for The Black Sheep on my resume,” and “Business!” Way to stick it to those Driehaus snobs! And yes, while we are all untouchable virgins at The Black Sheep, that’s not a major. Please take surveys seriously so as to maintain the scientific integrity with which they’re intended. 

4/3.) A tie: Middle-Grade Education/ Writing Rhetoric, and Discourse (9.2%):
Snatching up the fourth and third place spot are perhaps two of the forgettable majors this school has to offer. While education is a “noble profession,” let’s be real: anyone willing to spend a majority of their adult life with a bunch of middle schoolers is either boring as hell or a serial killer in the making. The same can be said for the three WRD majors attending DePaul; anyone inspired by their first year writing class is likely not prime ass and will probably end up critiquing your game all night. Next!

2.) Women’s and Gender Studies (28.1%):
Despite being “woke,” DePaul voted students committing themselves to the study of gender as the second-least fuckable group in Lincoln Park. To be fair, WGS majors are pretty advanced in the nuances of dating politics. One wrong phrase, and you’ll be hearing all about the importance of intersectionality and how they never truly lost their virginity, since virginity isn’t real. While you could try to educate yourself on the concepts of which they speak, you don’t have time for that!

1.) Catholic Studies (43.8%):
Oh, sweet irony. With an overwhelming majority, Catholic Studies takes the cake as the least fuckable major at DePaul. It’s pretty self-explanatory: religion majors don’t get down. One evening with them, and you’ll be constantly creeped out by their choice to commit to DePaul based on the “spiritual affiliation.” More than that, it’s very likely they may ask you to wear a bag with old St. Vinny’s face over your head if you end up doing the deed. If you were sexually attracted to Mass, you’d move to Boston.

The numbers don’t lie and DePaul’s unofficial hookup ranking has been crafted. When searching for your next regretful tryst, make sure to figure out your area of study. One night with any of these students will land you on DePaul’s unofficial shit list which will only lead to a life of shame. Happy hunting, DePaul!

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