DePaul has its issues. The quarter system is confusing and frustrating to explain, midterms completely suck, and the DePaul Republicans are annoying. But every once in awhile, something happens at DePaul that really gets your fire started, your engines turning, and sets your loins to frothing. Here are few of those non-sexual things at DePaul that turn you on, baby!
5.) Timing the “L” perfectly:
More often than not, when you walk up to the “L” platform at Fullerton or Jackson, the train is somehow ten minutes away, and you have to stand there, shivering, cold and wet, while you wait for the train to arrive… packed, and then wait for three more. As sexy as hypothermia sounds, sometimes if you are very lucky, the train arrives just as you reach the platform, and you can just walk on. “Welcome to the CTA Red Line. Please stand clear of the closing doors. Our next stop… Boner City.”
4.) Not having to explain the quarter system:
Usually when you say that you have a six-week winter break, non-DePaul students are struck dumb. “Why? ” they always ask. Then you have to launch into a five-minute tirade about the quarter system, and how, yes, you also think they should be called trimesters, and “I don’t know why my school is so unusual Aunt Helen, at least I’m going to college, unlike your junkie son.” Occasionally, though, you just have to say “Yeah, DePaul uses the quarter system.” and that’s it. Those kinds of moments really get our juices flowing.
3.) Actually managing to catch an elevator in the Lewis Center
The Lewis Center, one of DePaul’s more elegant buildings in the Loop Campus, has a major traffic problem. Its elevators are slow, tiny, and there never seem to be enough of them. It can take as long as ten minutes for an elevator to arrive at the floor you’re on, and it never seems to be going in the direction you want. But when you do manage to catch an elevator and ride nice and fast all the way to the first floor, you arrive all hot and bothered. Getting a great elevator ride in the Lewis Center is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
2.) Vincentian Service:
As loyal Vincentian students of DePaul University, we are constantly asking ourselves: What must be done? DePaul kids are faced with a never-ending quagmire of service and giving and are forever wondering if we’re doing enough to help those less privileged than ourselves. However, when you do know what must be done, you DO it well. There’s nothing quite like making a difference in the world in the name of the great Daddy Vinny. You’ll be thinking of the moment you followed in St. Vincent’s footsteps every time you get laid for the next ten years.
1.) Catching a Glimpse of DIBs:
Some would argue that this category shouldn’t be included in our list, because, for many of us, catching a rare glimpse of DIBs IS a sexual experience. The thick blue fur, the slippery prehensile tail, the rock-hard horns, and those dreamy eyes: DIBs could definitely be considered a sex symbol. Certainly, the merest glance at his fur makes things…moist.