Fall is in full swing with venti PSLs, flannel, stocking caps that don’t cover your ears, Patagonia vests, and see-through leggings. Everyone who is anyone is going out on test drives looking for their temporary soulmate for a long winter of Netflix and chill. We’ve all seen them, and a few of you have been them. Here are the five types of couples you’ll inevitably see on campus as autumn term wraps up:
5.) The out of earshot but clearly fighting couple:
Where did Thomas and Lindsey go? One minute they are with the group and then the next they are blocking the revolving doors having a heated discussion. Even though they’re talking with aggressive hand gestures, everyone knows they’ll be walking back and planning out their next #MCM in no time. If for some reason they break up, it’s only temporary. In two weeks’ time, they’ll be back together and the stereotypical millennial friend group will be back intact.
4.) The poor height ratio couple:
They’re always holding hands. Which almost makes sense because from a distance they look like a professor who brought their kid to work. He’s probably named Chand and she is probably a Lexie. He played basketball in high school and she was either a cheerleader or in student government. Remember this the next time you consider getting into a relationship: age is just a number but height is not. Google “Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries” for a prime example. Go ahead, we’ll wait.
3.) The PDA couple:
They’re most likely freshmen and they act like their life is a 24/7 Nicholas Sparks movie. Their mutual friend, Darcy, introduced them at an October 3rd house party and they’ve been Facebook official ever since. Their love is stronger than the iceberg that sank the Titanic and will undoubtedly withstand the test of time that is winter break. They’re the ones who wear the “I’m in love with →” and “I’m in love with ←” shirts and can’t understand why people have been rolling their eyes at them all day.
After they break up one of them will unavoidably audition for The Bachelor.
4.) The couple who you actually like:
Both are really cool people and you would actually love to be their third wheel. You genuinely hope they work out because you need some happiness to counteract all the sorrow Shonda Rhimes is personally responsible for in your life.
Rumor is they are thinking about moving in with each other and getting a puppy. They have their life together so you don’t have to. Live through them like the rest of us do.
5.) The “give me another chance” couple:
They are on the fourth floor of Arts and Letters standing right by the stairs. Though you can’t see them, you can hear someone profusely apologizing to bae for using them as a human shield. You find your self desperately trying to hear anything so you can confirm that he is a “selfish bastard”as you faintly heard. DON’T YOU BE HIS DOORMAT MEGAN!
We all see them. We all hear them. Don’t be them, even if you already are. Do us all a favor and stick with what you know best: your unconditional love for Netflix and your cat.