Sorry ladies – Justin Bieber is officially off the market. For many FSU students who have been waiting for their wedding day with the Baby singer, this means coming to terms with the fact that you just might have to lower your standards. Dating locally can be hard, especially in Tallahassee, but luckily The Black Sheep has compiled a list of (possibly) eligible bachelors that can make even Grammy Award winner Justin Bieber look like a total loser.
5.) The guy working reception at the Leach:
You see him every time you go to the Leach. You’re wearing your cutest leggings with matching sports bra, and he tells you that a shirt is required to workout. OMG, did he just check you out? He swipes your FSU I.D. and says “Have a nice workout.” Woah, forward much? It’s easy to see he wants you. Then you make eye contact when you return your sweaty-ass towel. He definitely likes you, at least more than Justin Bieber ever would, and that is the only standard we have at this point.
4.) The “Save the Clitorises” guy:
You’ve seen this guy everywhere since your freshman year, and his beautiful “Save the Clitorises” sign is well-known amongst FSU students. He cares about social issues, but more importantly, he’s pro-clitoris. Girl, that means you! I have never seen Justin Bieber express ANY concern about saving the clitorises publicly, so this guy has already got one up on him.
3.) The Preacher:
It’s hard to find a man who knows what he wants. The Preacher has got that covered. He is dedicated and he probably spends more time on campus than you do. Justin Bieber may be outspoken on religion, but The Preacher has got Justin beat by about 300 levels of intensity and volume. The Preacher works hard to convert FSU’s students, and his dedication is admirable. Sure, this may seem like public harassment, but so what? You’re running out of options here.
2.) That guy on Tinder whose only picture is of a dog:
No, you don’t know what he looks like. But he has a dog. Does Justin Bieber have a dog? Probably. Is Justin Bieber’s dog cuter than Tinder guy’s dog? Probably. But Justin Bieber is no longer an option, so it’s time to send dog-man a flirty little message.
1). Your drug dealer who always hits on you:
He’s a good guy. Really. He’s super chill, he’s kind, he’s always giving you a little extra, and he’s definitely into you. If receiving gifts is your love language, your drug dealer could be the perfect man for you. People always say that the love of your life could be hiding in plain sight, and it’s worth giving it a try. Plus, when has Justin Bieber ever given you anything? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
So there you have it – five perfectly realistic options for men to date in the local Tallahassee scene. They may not be the world’s most famous pop star, but they’re special in their own ways and will love you more than Justin Bieber ever would.
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