FSU fans and haters alike both felt equally broke when the university announced its new plans on September 2nd. The athletics department will be devoting a grand total of $60 million to build a new, top-of-the-line football-only facility. FOOTBALL. ONLY. Like damn, the rest of us could use something too. Like…
5.) Meal plans that are affordable for humans who are as broke as we all are:
This summer Suwannee got a face lift so that FSU could continue serving mediocre food with a v hip new aesthetic, but looking at the price of meal plans still makes your eyes bleed. Think of all the sneeze-guarded salads students could be eating if they had a phat $60 mill split between em’.
4.) Reopening Strozier on the weekends for the off chance we feel like studying:
For reasons unbeknownst to the student body, now we all have to find another spot to procrastinate and cram for exams. Maybe, just maybe invested as much money into libraries as they do into football we’d be able to go to library on a Saturday with our roommates and get absolutely no studying done.
3.) Demolishing McCollum Hall:
The official description of McCollum Hall on the FSU Housing website is concise and to-the-point, with only three words — “old, musty, cockroaches.” We don’t need that kind of toxic negativity on this fine campus. It won’t cost nearly $60 million to break the building down, but there’s definitely use for the rest and it’s not just gd football.
2.) More parking:
The thought of waking up and having to scour every inch of campus just to find a spot to leave your car is enough to make you want to go back to bed. If FSU waved around $60 million for a new parking garage we’d all be a little happier.
1.) Exacting revenge on Jimbo Fisher:
We all remember where we on that fated day when John James Fisher Jr. turned his back on the garnet and gold, betraying us all. But even still, we never got our revenge against Jimbo for his treachery. Let’s use that $60 million, pool in some reserve cash, and buy out his $75 million Texas A&M, contract, just to fire him and leave him jobless.
We understand that spending 60,000,000 racks on a new football facility has the potential to improve the football program and expand the university’s brand. However, we also pay tuition and we’d like to see some benefits for those who aren’t ripped athletes.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.