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5 Waterborne Diseases We Probably Contracted at Recess Winter Splash 

Once a word associated with innocence, fun, and youth on the playground, “Recess” now conjures pictures of a rooftop club with a swimming pool always full of bodies. This Tallahassee spot held their second annual Winter Splash Sunday, so the hoards of girls who have been consistently posting throwback pictures of themselves at the beach captioned “can’t wait to be back” obviously shit themselves over this.

Recreational Water Illnesses are a real thing, so if you took your drunken ass to ‘Cess Sunday and thought it’d make for an aesthetic Instagram picture to submerge your presumably young and healthy body into the depths of the cess-pool, you might just be in deep, deep shit. Here are 5 waterborne diseases we (and probably you) contracted within an hour of attending.

5.) Diarrhea:
You know what comes with excessive alcohol consumption and close proximity to frat bros? We sure do: liquor shits. And the germs from their uncleanly arses can live anywhere from minutes to DAYS in a well-maintained pool. So if you’ve had the squirts like we have, you might want to think again before diving into a pool full of drunk and disorderly dudes and dudettes.

4.) Dermatitis:
While we’re on the subject of tainted water, if said H2O remained in contact with your normally pristine skin for a long period of time, then join the hot tub rash club. Don’t worry, those pus-filled blisters and red bumps (probably) aren’t genital warts you got from doing the dirty tango with Brad last week, they’re just an itchy and painful rash from sitting in germ infested waters! 

3.) Legionella:
Wasn’t it just so fun when those hot babes you were chatting up flirtingly splashed you thirty thousand times Sunday? Not so cute when you have Legionnaire’s disease, is it? We know. Good thing this upper respiratory infection is hitting us up during midterm week.

2.) Hepatitis E:
Oh look at that, we now have literal hepatitis because we accidentally swallowed a bunch of chlorinated water infested with fecal matter and who knows what else. Can’t wait for the jaundice and eventual liver failure!

1.) Typhoid fever:
Okay so this shit typically isn’t found in America, but the Devil is real and so is Justine, who just spent two weeks in India doing some soul searching and appropriating Indian culture by posting a Facebook pic of herself wearing a bindi. Who’s to say she didn’t bring Typhoid to Tally and give it to all of us? Because someone sure did.

Look, we’re not saying to become a shut-in or anything, but doesn’t sitting in a two-by-two closet with a bottle of hand sanitizer and a pack of airborne gummies sound better than gurgling bleach to get rid of all the infections you got from the Recess pool? Think about it. (We didn’t.) And don’t forget, there’s always the beach.

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