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5 Ways to Die in the Tallahassee Heat


Spring is officially here, and for FSU students, that means the shocking transition from 80 degree winter weather into 85 degree spring weather. If you need a distraction to take your mind off the brutal sun, look no further than our list of just a few of the ways you can easily die in the Tallahassee heat.


5.) Massive Heat Stroke On Landis Green:
If there is any place to die a somewhat pleasant death at Florida State University, it’s Landis Green. A whopping 89% of college students have agreed that if they could die anywhere on campus, it would be on our very own Landis. 8% said the campus Chick-fil-A and the remaining 3% had already died before answering. The incredible heat that accumulates on campus every year almost guarantees a heat stroke on our beautiful and renown lawn. This could be you!


4.) Black Out On Suwannee Hill:
Another classic way to die on the campus of FSU is by simply walking up the hill that leads to Suwannee Hall. The vicious sun shining on your back as you trudge up the steep hill to attempt to get to ENC 2135 on time will cause you to die within seconds. It is medically proven that, during the hot summer months (March-November), any student that attempts to climb this hill within the peak afternoon hours has no chance of survival.


3.) Collapse In Pool Of Sweat On Legacy Walk:
This is a simple way to go. Say goodbye to your loved ones, grab your belongings, and take a nice stroll down Legacy Walk. Soon enough, the hundreds of students will start pushing and shoving from every possible direction and the heat of the day will overcome you. Then you can pass by the free speech section of campus and listen to the pastors yell as you close your eyes and slip into darkness.


2.) Suffocation Under Thick Layers:
So you woke up this morning thinking that today was going to be kind of pleasant and breezy, like yesterday was. WRONG! Wearing your hoodie with nothing underneath was a huge mistake, buddy. First of all, that’s kind of weird. Second of all, now it’s 10 o’clock in the morning and the sun is rising with the wrath of a million gods. There is no escaping the heat that’s now trapping you under your layers of clothing. The only thing you can do is put on a brave face and accept your fate as you fall to the ground and die in your disgusting black sweatshirt.


1.) Standing In Line At Campus Chick-fil-A:
Another way to get overheated at FSU is simply by standing in line at Chick-fil-A. Even though it’s in an air conditioned location, you will probably be standing in line for so long that the sunlight will sneak in from the windows and you will slowly heat up as you stare at the pictures of chicken nuggets, haunting you from a distance. Your last thought on earth will be of those delicious nuggets. Go Noles!




WATCH: We asked drunks about their March Madness superstitions:



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