Summer has truly come to an end and school is in full swing, which means it’s time to accept that you’re probably not going to hear from that guy, Jared who you made out with in the back seat of your mom’s Subaru. He only ever texted you a few times over the summer for nudes, and now he’s just the guy that ghosted you. But have no fear, because you’re wayyyyy cooler than that guy and here’s how to prove it:
5.) You’re leaking ectoplasm:
Ever since the ghosting began, your body has been leaving a trail of green, slimy shit, which means you should have gone to the doctor a while ago, it’s ectoplasm. Don’t be too spooked though, it’s almost Halloween.
4.) Your body is suddenly translucent:
When you look in the mirror, you’re really just a see through person. If you see that piece of shit Jared, make sure to walk through him with confidence. He definitely won’t be able to ignore that and it’ll make him want you more than that one time he texted you at 2:37 a.m.
3.) You have no body:
Your body has just started to disappear altogether and now you’re just a floating white orb. Cute! Don’t panic though, you’re definitely going to make his new girl jealous when he panics and can’t find you at Chick-fil-A.
2.) You get to ~haunt~ him:
Now that you’re actually invisible, you can spy on him and fuck up his life. Haunt that slug and pour a hefty amount of Nair into his shampoo. He doesn’t deserve to have hair, especially hair as nice as he has.
1.) You’re a fucking ghost, bitch:
Yeah, you’ve made your transformation. Forget about that dumb boy that made you feel invisible and use your paranormal powers for good; being the seductive ghost who lives on second floor of the library.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.