That’s right, ‘Noles — this week is midterm week! Or, if you’re anything like most college students, it’s the week where you spend every night crying and every morning failing exams that weigh 50% of your grade. Fortunately for you, chronic under-achiever, you’re not alone. In fact, just pay a quick visit to any of these six places across campus, and you’ll be sure to find dozens of people crying for the same reason as you:
6.) Westcott Fountain:
Feeling like Ariana Grande? Got no tears left to cry? Come drown your sorrows in water at the Westcott Fountain at midnight. Some people go here to celebrate turning 21; you’ll be here because of a 21%.
5.) The Den:
Some people cope by seeing a therapist, others cope by spending obscene amounts of money. Go buy yourself a basket of five chicken tenders; you’ve earned it for making it this far. It’ll only set you back about a whopping $11.
4.) In that pedicab you always see on the Legacy Walk:
The next time you’re asked, “do you need a ride?” the answer might just be “yes.” Bring your failed midterm with you, and cry your eyes out while the pedicab man pushes the pedals. You’ll be going so fast, nobody will even see you crying.
3.) In the rubble of the crumbling Union:
The Union is dead. So is your chance at passing Introduction to Accounting this semester. Kill two birds with one stone, and get all your mourning done in one spot. Just climb over the fence, sit in the ditch and let the tears flow.
2.) Ms. Killings’ open arms:
Famed across FSU for friendly demeanor and warm hugs offered to every student, Ms. Killings might just be the person to run home to after bombing your baby bio exam. She might not know your name, or what actually happened to you, but you can rest assured you’ll receive a consolation hug and a complimentary, “I love you, baby!”
1.) In the lecture you haven’t attended in five weeks:
There’s a clear correlation between skipping every session of chemistry lecture, and failing the chemistry midterm. It might just be time for you to start attending class again. Plus, in a large lecture hall with 200+ students, you’ll be able to freely cry without drawing any attention at all. It’s a win-win.
Other than the fact that you’re about to flunk out of FSU with a 0.5 GPA, everything is going to be just fine. FSU students all over campus are crying too. Take the day off, and de-stress. And maybe, just maybe, study a little harder next time.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.