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6 Reasons You Don’t Care that FSU Baseball Season Just Started

Just this month, FSU’s 2018 baseball season started! Nobody knows exactly when it started, but it definitely started. Even though our baseball team will definitely be better than our football team was this year, a lot of people seem to just not care. Is that fair to the hardworking baseball team? Probably not. Nevertheless, we figured out that the overwhelming consensus on why people don’t watch our school’s baseball, and it boils down to these 6 reasons:

6.) Basketball is better:

… But you already knew that.

5.) It’s too dang hot out:
Seriously, haven’t we learned from noon games this season? When it’s hot, people sweat. When people sweat, they become uncomfortable. When people become uncomfortable, they become irritable. And leave. And NEVER COME BACK. If games don’t take place at night, nobody will want to come, because sweat is only fun when you’re the one playing the game.

4.) The helmets cover the catchers’ faces:

Part of the novelty of sports like basketball (see #6) is that you can see the players’ faces. In baseball, however, nobody knows who the heck the catcher is, or if he’s even hot. He’s got a mask all over his entire face. What’s life like as a catcher? What’s it like having balls thrown at your face at 95 m.p.h.? What’s it like being THE ONLY PLAYER ON THE TEAM WHOSE FACE NOBODY’S EVER SEEN? It must suck. And out of solidarity with the catchers, FSU students at large are boycotting baseball. RAH, RAH, FIGHT THE POWER.

3.) One is waiting ‘til marriage:

Republicans rejoice– baseball is the most white, Christian sport in the United States. And that will never change. Unfortunately for the women of FSU though, at least one of the very Christian baseball players has taken a vow of premarital abstinence (according to Twitter). If you want to get to third base, you’re gonna have to hit the whole home run.

2.) There’s no frickin’ RENEGADE:

Football is cool and all, but nobody really cares about that. What really matters is the backbone of our university: our beloved horse, Renegade. Renegade is beautiful, talented, and makes cameos in multiple article from The Black Sheep articles. What more could you ask for?

Unfortunately, baseball has nothing even close to Renegade. You’re better off staying inside.

1.) They really don’t dance:

Everybody loves High School Musical 2… Except for baseball players. The ugly truth about the crowd favorite, “I Don’t Dance,” is that it’s a rejection of American societal standards of masculinity, and the Wildcats are way more progressive than our hyper-masculine college athletes. 

The people have spoken. What once was a mystery is now clear as day; the majority of FSU students will never care about baseball as much as those other sports. Sorry not sorry.

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