Thanksgiving is a time for family, food, and uncomfortable arguments with your grandparents who still think Coca Cola is healthy and the south had it right all along. Honestly grandparents, you’ve kind of been blowing it since 1999. To avoid these awkward moments with MeMa and Old Papapapapa, here are seven Thanksgiving topics you can bring up instead:
7.) The recession:
Nothing brings the family together like depressing topics, especially financial ones. Remember back in 2010 when we were all told we wouldn’t get jobs out of college and that everything around us was on fire? Good times. Bring this up and watch as your dad’s hair slowly grays in front of your eyes.
6.) That time your dad accidentally told you Santa isn’t real:
Wow this was a doozy. Dad slept on the couch for five weeks and had to eat cold ramen out of his #1 Dad coffee mug after this little slip up. But now we can all laugh about it right, Mom? Right, Mom?…Mom?
5.) Your dead dog:
Pour out some lemon lime Gatorade for ol’ Boramere, for he was a good pup. The family will really appreciate this nostalgic topic– remembering all the good times you had playing fetch, taking him to the dog park, and finding out he didn’t make it through surgery. That little guy was such a trooper when it didn’t come to surgery. Not so much then.
4.) Lil Peep’s premature passing:
Your grandparents are huge Lil Peep fans and they were devastated at his young passing just last week. This may seem like a morbid topic, but your grandparents will appreciate you reaching out to them and trying to talk about something in their wheelhouse. Maybe afterwards they can finally talk about YOUR interests, like the latest Perry Como compilation.
3.) Your year abroad for the third Thanksgiving in a row:
Nothing screams “I studied abroad” more than bringing it up every fucking second of every moment of casual conversation. There’s no way anyone is tired of hearing how “Europe changed you” and “why it’s pronounced BarTHAlona”. The whole family will be asleep because of the turkey, not your annoying stories, we promise.
2.) Black Friday:
You hear that? That’s the big, expensive bell of capitalism ringing everyone awake at 4 a.m. to make sure they don’t forget to buy overpriced electronics that still won’t replace all of the missed dance recitals. Listen, Dad was very busy at the office and watching football so he couldn’t make all of your little milestones, but he bought you the latest 4k television twelve years later to try and make up for it. If that’s not progress, then what is?
1.) Why marijuana should be legalized:
Everyone who goes to college comes back with no knowledge of chemistry, writing, or mathematics but instead a deep understanding of the industrialized prison system and why marijuana should be legal. MeMa and Papapapapa still call it the worst thing in the world (devil’s lettuce), and it’s your job to convince them otherwise this holiday. Students bringing up weed on Thanksgiving is an American tradition. Just don’t forget to wear your Bob Marley drug rug and make sure you bring that vape pen to the table for some physical demonstrations.
Hopefully this will guide you turkey day with the fam. Just stop by The Black Sheep headquarters if you need any more information on skating through the ice rink of awkwardness that is Thanksgiving dinner.
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