Yo, FSU, let’s kick it! Saturday is the annual spring football game in Doak Campbell, where it’s Noles vs. Noles. And if that’s not enough to get you wicked hyped, there’ll be a post-game concert featuring one hit wonders Vanilla Ice, Salt-N-Pepa, and Rob Base (R.I.P. DJ E-Z Rock). So for all you “real” 90s babies out there, it’s your time to shine. And The Black Sheep knows just how to do it.
8.) Use your game link cable to share your JUUL with your BFF:
Nintendo had the right idea. Instead of linking up to defeat Brock at Pewter Gym, you and your best bud can go halfsies on a puff of cool mint.
7.) Fling your iPhone into the trash and break out the disposable camera:
HD who? After developing those suckers, you’ll appreciate not having portrait mode anymore and instead learn to love the light streaks and subtle blur that covers your three chins and mole hair.
6.) Instead of poppin’ molly, throw back a Flintstone vitamin:
Because you were a child in the 90s, and this way, you get your daily dose of Vitamin D without the hypertension, anxiety, or lack of consciousness. Yabba Dabba Doo.
5.) Asphyxiate yourself while looking crazy chic:
Chokers aren’t just a fashion statement. Get a pair of these and you can easily cut off all oxygen when Vanilla Ice starts to rap “Ice Ice Baby”.
4.) Honor Bill Clinton with some smoggy role-play action:
You can order a five-pack of Casa de Garcia Connecticut cigars online for eight bucks. Hell, you’d probably still have some money left over to express ship a Lewinsky wig to your doorstep.
3.) Blast Kriss Kross on your Walkman and jump around:
Your perfectly crimped hair will spring into action, hypnotizing everyone around you and ensuring you’re the most bitchin’ chick on the block.
2.) Toss your roach for some real mind-numbing fun:
Phantom Sweet Cigarettes were a way to look cool while maintaining lung capacity. And unlike the devil’s lettuce, it will give you a buzz that leaves you upright.
1.) Tattoo the super S on your face and go postal:
Forget teardrops and no ragrets; if you want to prove you’re a true bo$$, ink this shit on your face and watch the homies roll in.
If all else fails, you can never go wrong with some butterfly clips, purple body glitter, and a Jonathan Taylor Thomas t-shirt.