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Florida State University

A Eulogy To Honor Oglesby Union

Over the past few weeks, Florida State’s beloved Oglesby Union has transformed from a focal point of campus into a steaming, loud pile of rubble and dust.

Now that the Union has been demolished, never to return until 2020, all we can do is mourn its loss.

Long gone are the days of a full-fledged Chili’s on campus, where we could binge on margaritas to get drunk between classes. Under cooked Triple Dippers, obnoxiously-long lines, and running into that one creepy guy from your baby bio class who still snapped you, Chili’s had it all.

On days when you could barely be bothered to get out of bed, you could rest assured knowing that the Union was there to help you get absolutely shitfaced to take your mind off the pain.

Our hearts will always have a soft spot for Crenshaw Lanes, the bowling alley on campus where you and your friends could engage in heated wars over who was lucky enough to throw the most strikes, oftentimes resulting in nasty insults, punches thrown, and broken friendships.

Please join us in a moment of silence, as we each massage the bruises we got on the backs of our heads from when we got smashed in the head with a bowling ball.

In the Union, you could find not only food and fun, but also skip class on Wednesdays in favor of attending the highlight of the week at FSU. Of all the Union had to offer, we’ll most heavily mourn Market Wednesdays.

Today, FSU mourns the loss of an important symbol of the university’s symbol. Ignoring the fact that the Union will be back and better after construction, we are entirely devastated at its temporary absence.

Our deepest thoughts and prayers go out to the old Union; may its sweet soul find eternal rest. In the meantime, we’ll be tearfully counting down the days until the new Union is opened in 2020.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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