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Florida State University

Phew! FSU Faculty is Just Homophobic, Not Anti-Semitic Too

Last Thursday we saw UF show their true colors as infamous white supremacist Richard Spencer took the Phil Collins stage to overpowering boos that ultimately drowned out his hate speech.

FSU faculty was pleased to announce Friday morning that they would never allow such an anti-semite and racist officially speak on their campus in the first place.

“We’re against racism plain and simple,” said FSU event planner Chip Duggo. “Black people racism, white people racism, and especially Jewish people racism. We love our Jewish brothers!”

At this point, to the discomfort of our reporter, Duggo started to hum the Seinfeld theme song and made an intricate twist of his fingers until they resembled the Star of David.

“You can assure us that we as an institution of higher learning would never allow such a display of hate on our campus,” continued Duggo.

However when it comes to having hosted Second Lady Karen Pence last Wednesday, whose husband publicly supports conversion therapy and “praying the gay away”, Duggo and the rest of the FSU staff have a different opinion.

“Look, we can’t possibly be against ALL hate,” said Duggo. “It’s really hard not to hate somebody.”

On whether the faculty should be supportive of everyone, no matter what race, gender, or sexuality, Duggo can’t be certain.

“Look, I have a lot of hate in my heart after receiving everything I ever wanted until I was 18, only to be thrown into a cruel world that refuses to cater to my every whim,” said Duggo. “The best I can do is not hate one of the world’s major religions, but as for people in the LGBTQ+ community, I’m just not there yet.”

Duggo went on to say that he, along with President Thrasher, believes it was worth hearing out Karen Pence as she spoke at the William Johnston Building in support of FSU’s art therapy program.

The conversation continued to confuse us here at The Black Sheep. However, one thing is obvious and that is, FSU faculty does NOT hate jews. It’s not perfect, but it’s something.

So, which is it?

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