At 9:30 this morning, FSU junior Bruce Bowing was caught plagiarizing his icebreaker on the first day of class.
Bruce was last to raise his hand for his introduction before telling the class that he had never been out of the state of Florida. Soon after, his ENC1102 instructor, Professor Hardknuckle, notified FSU administration that he’d heard Bruce’s fun fact verbatim from one of his summer C students.
“At first I thought the fact was mildly interesting, and then I realized I’ve heard it before from a former student. So I immediately cross-referenced my notes and confirmed my suspicions,” the professor commented.
Professor Hardknuckle stopped the class to pull Bruce aside and confront him about the breach of academic integrity.
“My professor claimed he knew what I was up to, and then I told him I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about,” Bruce told The Black Sheep.
As it was later revealed, Bruce had once accidentally missed the turn for I-10 and passed the state line into Georgia, entirely disproving his first day fun fact. Hardknuckle brought forth this information after sifting through three years of Bruce’s Facebook posts during his office hours.
The post from 2016 reads, “Accidentally missed the exit and ended up in Georgia lol. #FreshmenProblems,” above a picture of what is clearly the Georgia state welcome sign.
Bruce’s post will be printed and used against him as evidence in his Academic Honor Policy Hearing, where he will be given a chance to defend the accusations of wrongful fun fact authorship.
After the Facebook post surfaced, Bruce claimed that he was “only out of Florida for like, 10 minutes so it doesn’t count.”
Once word of the case reached President Thrasher, he gave his two cents on the matter.
“If you can’t uphold the garnet and gold, then you’ll get a scold. Well, look at that little rhyme!” he told The Black Sheep via FaceTime. “This university was built on footb–academic integrity. That young man doesn’t deserve to wear our school colors.”
As the Florida State student body stretches its legs after a long summer break, the harsh realities of scholastic responsibility are beginning to settle in. Students should be careful to note that all work must be independently produced to avoid similar disciplinary consequences. Bruce’s hearing will take place at the end of syllabus week to determine if he is morally fit to be a part of the student population.
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