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FSU to NOT Exchange Parking Fines for Canned Food

Parking at Florida State is nearly impossible for the 42,000 students that attend the university. It makes sense that parking tickets would pile up for a student when there aren’t enough spots for them in the garages. One Florida university has lifted parking ticket fines in exchange for canned food, but this Florida university is not FSU.

“It’s really not cool how our rival school is actually being cool,” stated Mark Atkins, a diehard Noles student. “We pay our tuition and go to classes just like the swamp kids, and I’ve never missed one football game. I’m dedicated to this school, but sometimes I’m running late and there’s no room for my car, so I’m forced to park in the grass in front of the Psych building. Is that so bad?”

Parking attendant, Patty Karter would not support Atkins’ claim.

“Yes, parking in the grass is that bad,” Karter continued. “Atkins has a total of 13 parking tickets and hasn’t paid a single one. He claims to be waiting until Thrasher changes the parking fine agreement and won’t pay the tickets until he can donate canned food instead, but this, most likely, is not going to happen.”

“Honestly, fuck those parking tickets,” said Hummer driver, Lance Hart. “I’m not ever paying a ticket again. Let’s see them try to tow my huge ass Hummer.”

Lance and his friends want to start a revolt at FSU for students refusing to pay their parking tickets.

“I wouldn’t buy canned food anyway, but UF kids don’t deserve this opportunity over us FSU students.” It’s not long before students will be boycotting the parking rules altogether.

When Thrasher was questioned whether or not he would start exchanging parking fines for some charitable cause, his answer was simply,“Lol no.”

After reaching out for more information regarding why he wouldn’t consider updating the policy, he went on to say, “I will not be soft when it comes to parking. FSU students must have class and abide by the rules. Plus, we make a ton of money from these students’ poor parking choices. Why would we lose thousands and thousands of dollars in exchange for food cans when we don’t have to?”

While Thrasher might seem insensitive to the cause, no other school has given up their parking fines for food, except for UF, and FSU doesn’t want to be a follower. Instead, students will have to suck it up and start paying their parking tickets or ask their parents to.


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