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FSU Students Vote for Campus to Become Bird Sanctuary, Too


On Wednesday night of last week, the students of Florida State University voted on a referendum that would decide whether or not the campus would become a bird sanctuary. The voice of the students spoke out when the results of the vote were a resounding YES.


“It was an obvious yes for me,” said Allison Brown, a local bird advocate. “It is our job as American citizens to preserve the equal rights of these birds. Even when they do take a crap on your head every time they fly by.”


Steps are now being taken to assure that the campus can become a safe haven for all types of wild and exotic birds. There are a few challenges that, as a campus, the students may have to overcome before reaching this status. For example, opponents of the referendum argued there is no space on campus that would allow a bird to live and flourish. There is barely any room for the students to breathe their own air, let alone for several other bird species to live.


In addition, the heat and humidity of Tallahassee is allegedly too f***ing hot a habitat for any of the cool birds to live here.

Sophomore Mason Hunterson does not agree with the decision for the campus to become a bird sanctuary.

“I saw a bird once. It looked really stupid. And that’s why I voted no,” said Mason, who then proceeded to put his Beats back on and hop on his Hoverboard, rolling away from the conversation in style.

The ones that truly are excited about this change are the birds themselves.

“I can’t believe that referendum actually passed, LMAO,” said Carl, the rare bald eagle that will soon call FSU his home. “These idiot students aren’t gonna know what hit them.”

Some experts on campus predict that within the year, the campus will be completely under the reign of the campus birds. As of last Wednesday, this is a considerable possibility. Lock your windows, ladies and gents, the birds are coming.


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