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How to Get into Pike Even if You Aren’t Rushing

Pi Kappa Alpha is the top-tier fraternity on FSU’s campus. Despite its sometimes negative reputation, being the richest fraternity means that everyone who disses it secretly just wishes they were a part of it. Here’s how you can get a peek at the action, even if you forgot to sign up for Spring Rush 2018:

Hold the house dog for ransom:
FSU is a campus of dog lovers, but what many consider to be one of the university’s greatest strengths is also its weakness. If Pike denies you entry, kidnap the house dog, and hold it for ransom in exchange for a bid. If all else fails, threaten to do the worst to the dog… replace it with a cat.

Ride Renegade through the house:

So maybe Pike didn’t think your personality was interesting enough to let you rush. Prove them wrong, then; what’s more interesting than a rejected pledge who steals the school horse, rides it triumphantly to Heritage Grove, and then rides Renegade on a destructive rampage through the Pike house?

At the very least, it’s worth a try. Perhaps Pike will let you in, in exchange for mercy and an end to further destruction of their fancy home.

Have your identical twin rush instead:
It’s foolproof. The only difference between you two is the color of your tie. You’re probably even both named Chad. The game plan is simple: have Chad rush in your place and show up to parties after an hour, when all the brothers are too drunk to notice there are two of you.

Stage an elaborate 2-year-plan involving a coup that overthrows President Thrasher and makes you the face of FSU:

No plan is harder to detect than a needlessly-long one. If you meticulously calculate your journey from lowly freshman into a blossoming SGA officer, you’ll certainly be able to garner enough clout to incite a campus-wide rebellion against the school’s current administration. With the cunning machinery of Darth Sidious, you’ll secretly control both sides of the conflict, ultimately becoming the Emperor of the FSU Empire. At that point, all that’s left is to casually walk into the Pike house. You basically own it.

4.) Burn down a popular Tallahassee bookstore:

Circumventing Spring Rush requires you to go through alternative, often shady channels, in order to subvert control of the Greek life system. Perhaps the shadiest channel, however, is the one that is conspiring to completely gentrify Tallahassee and eradicate local neighborhoods and businesses. It is, in fact, this same criminal cabal that has silently strangled some businesses, burning others down. Though it might challenge your morals, this is surely the fastest way to sneak into Pike.

3.) Pay a $250 cover fee at the door before parties:
(Women can skip this and jump to #2.)

In theory, Pike’s parties are open to all students. You just have to pay an astronomically high amount of money to even step onto the premises before entering the main event. If you think $250 is a lot of money, though, check out the annual membership fees. You’re broke.

2.) Be a girl:
In a world that is unfairly harsh to women, females are luckily able to get into frat parties without external clearance or a cover fee most of the time. Though the underlying reasons for this are problematic, perhaps this is a chance to destroy the system from within. Down with the bourgeois.

1.) Just wait until fall:
You’re in college. By now, you already should have learned the ills of procrastination. If you missed out on Spring Rush, just wait until your next fall semester at FSU. If you’re a senior, though, then it might just be time to move on.

Life rarely gives second chances. If you missed the Spring Rush deadline, there’s not much you can do to land a bid without resorting to dire measures. Maybe next time you’ll do things on time.

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