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Graduating Senior to Smoke Weed Drugs Until Job Applies for Him

Graduation is a right of passage that all college students aspire to, however, something college students hope for even more is to land a job in their respective fields. No other student is more excited for this than FSU Senior Blake Blusage, who anxiously awaits for a job to apply to him.

“I’ve always dreamed of being a hotel manager, or a doctor, or an astronaut,” said Blusage in a daze. “I’m just gonna see what job offers I get in the next few months and go from there.”

In the meantime, Blusage intends to just “kick-back with some ganja and watch the news” because he is open to the idea of being a “journalist”.

When questioned about his major, Blusage appeared to space out for several minutes before speaking.

“Well I started off as a criminology major, but then I found out that cops get drug tested so I dropped that. But since I had spent three years doing criminology, there really was a limit to what majors I could complete and still graduate on time,” said the senior before blowing Os “like Malia”.

“So I went with statistics because it only requires 33 hours of major course work, until I had an existential crisis while I was high one night and lost my ability to see numbers. So finally, I decided to do hospitality because I’ve always wanted to work in a hospital, but my professor told me last week that the major doesn’t really train you to work in a hospital. Then there was only a week until I was set to graduate so it was kind of too late to change.”

In retrospect, if Blusage could pick one major to best suit him, it’d be “humanities, because there’s nothing I can do better than being a human”.

Blusage then pulled out a glass…kind of big, cylinder thing and asked, “Want to take a hit?” to which our reporters assumed means to smoke weed drugs, a recreational activity illegal in the state of Florida.

Blusage had a sudden a coughing fit that lasted 17 minutes in his small 4×4 room with windows, and time seemed to slow down.

“Goats,” said Blusage when asked what animal he would want to be if he was also required to eat that animal, “because they’re the greatest.” Blusage then laughed contagiously for years.

The soon-to-be graduate is gearing up to wait for his opportunity to “show the world what he’s made of.” While his methods are a bit unorthodox, it’s his kindred tenacity and willingness to sit back and wait that will hopefully land him on top. 

Look out folks, because Blake Blusage is a CEO in the making, slowly but surely.

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