Argo Tea Café has opened next to the Innovation Hub and the workers there are excited to pour some Hibiscus Tea Sangria into a plastic cup and charge you $3.50. Students have been purchasing an incredibly extreme amount of tea, leading to record high displays of tranquil peace throughout campus, especially on Landis Green, now being called “The Zen Garden,” according to sophomore, Jenna Miller.
“It’s like, I’ve never felt so calm in my life,” Miller, whispered. “I have at least three teas a day. A Chai for breakfast, Green Ginger at lunch, and a Chocolate Mint Teapuccino to end my night with a sweet, sweet sip. My roommate has even noticed my aura has lightened.” Miller began to do a downward dog on the grass.
Miller’s roommate, Krissy Katz, agreed, “She has never been so relaxed since I’ve known her. I mean, we just moved in together three weeks ago, but her aura is just…lighter.”
After seeing the effect the influx of tea has had on the student body, the Student Government Association has made the decision to set aside some funding for large rocks and quality sand to fully complete the transformation.
An unauthorized event has been started by Miller and Katz called “Kava and Koi”, where students can feed the fish and drink some tea to reduce stress before midterms.
Whether or not you think Landis Green is now a Zen Garden, Argo Tea will keep transforming students into tree-hugging vegan yogi tea drinkers.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.