In order to stay hip, fresh, and relevant to all the kids on campus, FSU’s own John E. Thrasher has decided to join Taylor Swift’s world-renowned “squad.” The president merely tweeted the star asking if he could join her on tour for the sake of his student body, and Taylor, who must have had a blank space on her tour bus, happily obliged.
Standing alongside the “Bad Blood” singer and her supermodel friends, Thrasher enjoys concerts, parties, award shows, and gender equality. When questioned on his motives Thrasher said, “All year long I’ve heard the students of this campus speak their minds regarding both gender inequality and Taylor Swift in separate conversations, and I realized that hanging with T-Swizzle’s gang, er, squad was really the only plausible route to take to help our university move forward in today’s fast-paced society… I’m also a huge fan of her music.”
Taylor Swift is known for her feminist ideals, and Thrasher believes that it will help not only Taylor, but also the world if he, a man, joined the exclusively female group. He is aiming to prove that friendship squads can incorporate people of opposite sexes and still succeed in getting triple-digit Instagram likes on a group picture.
“Oh yeah we’ve taken lots of pictures together,” said Thrasher. “We usually wear all black and stand in a cluster with our arms around each other, or squat and point to the camera. It’s pretty badass. One time we even posed in a human pyramid for a picture! Now that got a lot of likes.”
Thrasher is also determined to show Taylor “just how much fun a man can be” as a friend. “So far in this process I’ve learned that I always end up feeling inexplicably guilty after listening to Taylor’s songs. As her new friend, I want her to understand that we can have a blast when she treats guys like me as nicely as she treats her girlfriends, and I think my plan is working!” continued Thrasher. “It’s unreal how eye-opening this whole squad thing has been. There’s so much love and glitter in the air. I just hope she doesn’t turn on me when I go back to work.”
As of now, Florida State’s 71 year-old president can be seen giftwrapping and baking cakes with Karlie Kloss, Gigi Hadid, Lorde, Zoe Kravitz, and Lena Dunham, to name a few. It’s only a matter of time before Taylor lets Thrasher join her on stage and surprise the crowd at one of her star-studded concerts. “From backstage I’ve seen Lorde, the Haim sisters, all of the Victoria Secret models, AND Nick Jonas perform with Taylor on tour! This was not an expectation I had going into this journey, but now I really hope I get to sing ‘Bad Blood’ with her one of these days.”
“It’s all for the students of course,” Thrasher added, thumbing through who liked his most recent Instagram post. “The students will love that.”
The students of FSU are eagerly watching and waiting to see what this publicity will bring them. At the very least it will spread awareness about feminism and, more importantly, elevate the coolness factor of Florida State University. Thrasher is set to stay on the “1989” tour bus throughout the fall semester and will reportedly take care of school-related business from his personal iPhone. Taylor Swift has declined to comment.