OMG, like, you’re totally about tew graduate, but you’ve done nothing meaningful at all during your four-year stay at this university. Other than late nights every week at Bull’s and The Strip, all you have to show for your education are a few hickeys. You’ve still got two months to get right, though. Make sure you do all these senior year bucket list things before you put on that cap and gown.
Skinny dip in the Landis fountain:
Skinny dipping is usually fun. You’ve seen enough drunk people swimming in this fountain at unholy hours, so why not do it sober? In broad daylight? To make your mark? Don’t just become an alumnus, become a legacy.
Flip your lecture professor the bird:
Nothing says rebellion quite like public displays of disrespect for authority. And does your rambling professor even really have any authority over you? FLIP THAT MAN THE BIRD. You’ll probably get laughed at or plain old kicked out, but the 5-second thrill will be worth the memory.
Gentrify a section of Tallahassee:
If you really want to make a mark on the community, destroy it. This is a nice city. It would be a perfect place to start a coffee shop chain, open a McDonald’s franchise or a competitive local business empire in College Town. You’re a business major, right?
Steal a golf cart and take a joyride:
Oh, come on. You know you’ve always wanted to. Just break into the University Central Processing building and nab one. Then, enjoy a care-free day full of sneaking up behind pedestrians and playfully threatening to run them over.
Finally eat a salad at Union Suwannee:
Our dining halls are chock-full of fresh food, courtesy of Sodexo. Whether it’s pizza, burgers or cake, you can rest assured that whatever might fill your palate is available for consumption. The thing is, nobody ever seems to eat their vegetables. Ever. The salad bar can go relatively untouched for hours at a time. This is your chance. Be the first person to ever make the journey to the salad bar and put something healthy in the bod.
Earn your first volunteer hour:
You’re a terrible person. But that’s okay; we all are. However, you’re never going to get another chance to do community service and actually get recognition for it. From now on, volunteer work will actually have to be done out of the good of your heart or a court order. So, go out, and do something in the community. Get that one hour of feeling-good-about-yourself-because-charity that you deserve.
Congratulations in advance on your graduation, you slackers.
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