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6 Non-Sexual Things About FSU that Oddly Turn You On

We all love sex at FSU. That’s why we’re known for our STDs! But there’s some things that turn us all on even though we can’t have sex with them, because our campus is just that sexy.

6.) The smokestack:
Students work out at the FSU Leach Center on the Florida State University campus. Obviously. The mysterious campus chimney is so shamelessly seductive, so tall, so confident…it’s hard to walk by it without having your knees buckle.

5.) Diversity:
FSU is one of the more diverse of the PWI’s in the nation, and it’s the sexiest thing about us. You’ll get a true adrenaline rush listing off all the different groups of people present in our student body: we’ve got short white people, tall white people, and even caucasians! Is it getting hot in here?

4.) Empty Leach:
Exercise is one of the fastest ways to gain a quickie adrenaline boost. What’s a better place to exercise than the gym? Don’t waste your time thinking, we’ll answer that for you — an empty gym. Wake up before 10 a.m.., and you’ll have virtually the entire Leach center to yourself. Take pride knowing that while you’re busy sweating your guts out, every other person in the entire city of Tallahassee is fighting hard just to not vomit theirs out. There’s no bigger turn on than smug self-approval by comparing yourself to other people you don’t even know.

3.) Hazing:
Just kidding, it doesn’t happen here. But if it did, it would be OH so titillating.

2.) Dogs on Landis:
These pups are hot, and they turn you on despite the fact that half of the owners adopted them solely to turn you on.

1.) Cultural appropriation:
OOOH OOH OH-OH-OOOH, OH-OH-OOOOH, OOH OH-OH-OH. That’s right. Swing that tomahawk, big boy. 😉 Nothing turns Americans on more than honoring the traditions of our beloved indigenous peoples. Not only do we rake in millions annually by selling memorabilia with the Seminole name, but we even devote our entire pre-game ritual to a horseback performance by an authentic Native American named Ocelot. Whoops, we mean Osceola. 

Coming in this article, you probably expected a list of exciting things on campus that God and your pastor would approve of; however, it just so turns out that virtually everything about FSU is a turn on. Sorry, Jane — this isn’t just a party school. This is the party school.

So, which is it?

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