If you squint just right, Florida State University could be a giant board game. There are moving playerss: students, professors, the Marching Chiefs. There are obstacles: questionable on-campus dining, terrible wireless connection, hills that never end. And there are objectives: birthday swims in Westcott Fountain, hot dog stops at Mom and Pop’s, all-nighters at Stroz.
Just like in any game, adopting a strategy is the only sure-fire way to survive the challenges that come with higher learning. If any of the childhood classics below sound like your experiences in college so far, do not fret. You’re adhering by the rules of the game.
if you seem to quite frequently find yourself in a number of awkward positions, i.e accidentally swiping right to your English professor on Tinder, blocking the exit line of Strozier as your card-swiping abilities fail, or slowly descending the stairs of a lecture hall with an hour left of class. We’ve all been there.
for when all monetary decisions are based upon your steadily shrinking finances. Unfortunately, we have officially entered into the real world. There is no passing Landis Green and collecting $200. Unless you finally received your Financial Aid.
If you find yourself in the process of determining which roommate is going to get the axe for stealing your last Pop Tart. (Hint: every one is a suspect.)
If you constantly find yourself maturely holding your tongue around individuals who could benefit from a good verbal smackdown… Like the roommate who stole your last Pop Tart.
If finding the right words when talking to future employers, frustrating Financial Aid officers, or disgruntled professors isn’t your forte it might be best, when asking a professor for an extension, to brush up on your vocabulary. Professors will most definitely acknowledge double-word and triple-letter scores.
If you feel that exposing yourself to the college social scene is a hazardous and potentially lethal endeavor. You’re right, not attending the International Cuisine Night at Suwannee is most likely a wise choice.
Settlers of Catan:
If you find yourself trying to cover as much FSU ground as possible. If you begin your day with a sunrise yoga session on Landis, followed by three classes, two club meetings, and a foreign language conference in Stroz, your day may resemble a campus-wide game of “extracurricular musical chairs”. Don’t worry, you’ll have time to rest when you graduate.
If your every thought is based upon your hunger and its needs. As much as your diet and sensitive stomach may wish otherwise, Suwannee dining and Chick-fil-A are but a meal-plan swipe away.
If you wish the process of obtaining financial and academic success while simultaneously purchasing a seaside mansion and adopting two sets of twin boys was as simple as spinning a wheel and advancing four spaces.
Ticket to Ride:
If you do not own a vehicle and services such as Uber, Night Nole, Seminole Express, and StarMetro have become your only mode of transportation. You now use these more than your textbooks.
If you find yourself one small brick away from a complete collapse. We’ve all been there, multiple times. Finals week, anyone? Move-in day? Any Monday morning ever?
No college relation, it’s just a fun game.
If you identify with more than one of the pastimes above, there is no need to worry. We’re students. We’re all a few pegs short of a battleship. So strategize wisely, play your opponent, visualize your prize, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all pass over jail and collect our college degree.