TALLAHASSEE, FL — Earlier today, The Princeton Review released their annual ranking of party schools, in which the University of Florida placed above Florida State. Members of FSU Greek life claim UF had an unfair advantage considering all of their Greek life wasn’t suspended, and blame President Thrasher for their shortcomings.
“This is bullshit,” said Greek life member, Jason Blakesly. “UF had at least three months of uninterrupted partying while I sat in my basement sippin’ 40s, walkie-talkieing my brothers every time I took a goddamn sip. How was Princeton supposed to know we’re good at parties?”
“Yeah, we totally would have gotten away with it if Thrasher didn’t go and fuck up our reputation,” said another FSU Greek life member, Tommy Sands. “I mean, I drink and throw up real good, better than anyone. What am I supposed to tell my grandkids now?”
FSU’s Greek community plans to better disguise their bad behaviors this coming school year in order to top UF in this very arbitrary ranking.
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