There are tour guides, there are glorified tour guides, and then there are Florida Cicerones. You don’t know whether you love them or you hate them, but you certainly know about them. How so? Because anyone that’s a Cicerone literally won’t shut the fuck up about it. Before getting this highly esteemed position, you have to go through extreme vetting and an even more intense interview process. Here are some of the most horrific interview stories:
5.) They throw you into a situation of emotional distress:
This testimony was given by a past Cicerone applicant who has chosen to stay anonymous for safety reasons. During her interview, she got a call from an unknown number telling her they had just ran over her dog and were calling the number on the tag. She immediately started yelling into the phone and holding back sobs. About two minutes later, she was informed that that was part of the interview process. A Cicerone must be able to keep her cool in every situation.
4.) They make you walk in circles around campus to prove you’re capable:
All the interviews are done while walking around campus nonstop. This is how they test your ability to walk the tours. They take joy in watching your face of make-up melt off or sweating through your suit. You’re also required to buy a Fitbit and send the Application Chair your daily step count – if it’s less than 15,000, don’t bother.
3.) They grill you in drunk history:
When it’s getting down to the nitty gritty of the interview process, they get you drunk. Apparently you have to chug a Fat’s slushy and a JJ’s rum bucket, and then recite UF’s history starting with the Founding Gators breaking ground for construction.
2.) They go to great length to make you show you’re committed to the opportunity:
When it comes down to the final applications, their commitment is put to the test. They’re given a choice: cut off a pinkie toe or sell an organ on the black market. What you lose physically, you will gain emotionally (or so they say).
1.) They slice open your palm to secure a blood bond:
Cicerones are a family. Families share blood. At the end of the interview process, you either will be sent home or offered the position. If you are offered the position, you must sign a paper contract and a blood contract. That’s right. All the new members must cut their palms and shake hands to solidify their place as Cicerones. This ritual will take place at midnight under the French Fries.
The Cicerone application process surely compares to no other. It’s how they ensure only the best of the best go around campus sporting the signature Cicerone khaki shorts.
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