While most students know how to navigate the various Gainesville streets, many maps surrounding University of Florida fail to accurately describe individual buildings and points of interest. The Black Sheep decided to create a map that provides a more honest depiction of Gator Country.
Perpetually crowded with class-goers and religious prophets alike, you can be harassed by just about any type of person you could think of while walking through Turlington Plaza. From the archaic Hare Krishna man, who knows damn well you aren’t a young professor but will ask you if you are regardless, every time you find yourself unfortunate enough to make eye contact with him for a nano-second too long, to the radical anti-abortion groups, that will ensure you see at least five photos of the most shockingly grotesque images you have ever seen, you will be dazed for the remainder of the day. When journeying through this part of campus, it’s best to keep your head down and headphones in.
Plaza of the Americas:
In front of our bourgeoisie-exclusive Library West, you’ll find Plaza of the Americas, reserved for high-flying people only. Funambulists walk tightropes to look cool, white people with dreads sprawl across hammocks, and hoards of people solemnly sing along to Gainesville’s Top Five Hits, including “Krishna Krishna” and “Hare Hare.” Stay on alert for wild sightings of virgin frat boys, borrowing the house’s frat dog to attract more friends.
Plaza of the Americas is really the classier version of Turlington Plaza. Turlington is two shots of espresso while the Plaza is a nice hot cup of tea. The best way to get the most bang for your Plaza-buck is to hang out in your Eno with a Krishna lunch, study for chemistry next to the chem lab, decorate a brick in the wall of negativity, and then help put rubber band Mona Lisa together.
Students walking on campus are almost immune to the constant chimes of the Century Tower bells, but there is a juicier story to the oh so innocent campus bell tower. Century Tower is also known for haunting past. Legend has it that any time a virgin graduates from UF, a brick will fall from the tower. The tower is still clearly standing as proud as ever. So is UF the ideal place to visit if you’re looking to score? We’re not saying this is true, but the tower sure doesn’t lie.
Midtown is the little black dress of Gainesville hangs. You can dress it down with Keds for class or coffee or take it out for an evening on the town with a little red lipstick. Midtown has everything you could want in a shopping plaza from restaurants ranging in the world’s best sloppy drunk food like Pizza by the Slice, Relish burgers, and tacos at 101 Cantina, to some high class eats like Designer Greens and Tatu Sushi. During the day, you can grab a beer and lunch with friends under lush greenery and twinkle lights, but at night, the residents of Gainesville pour into the crosswalks of the intersection across from UF to get shit-faced and party till they vomit. Like Batman says, you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: