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I Ate At Broward Dining For A Week And Now I’m An Elliptical

If there’s anything that Broward Dining is known for, it’s delicious food. In fact, it was actually the food I ate during a tour at B.D. that solidified my decision to attend UF. In order to cleanse and prepare for syllabus week, I decided to only eat in B.D. for a week straight. Here’s a log of my foodie adventure:

Day 1:
So far so good. Breakfast consisted of home-style pancakes with only one hair in them! I can feel my fat crying and melting away. I am health. Health is me.

Day 2:
My challenge today was to only eat foods I couldn’t pronounce so I went for the Thai Basil Chiffonade. I could tell that oriental chefs had made this in Thailand and B.D. had it flown in in the morning because it was that fresh and authentic.

Day 3:
I was feeling adventurous, so I went for the least exciting sounding option on the menu– Broccoli Quinoa Casserole. At first, I didn’t like it, but as I kept eating, I realized I hated it. Was I getting tired of B.D.? Is that possible? Who am I turning into?

Day 4:
Today I went for a true B.D. staple – pepperoni pizza; it’s never failed me. It’s especially good when it’s been out for over six hours and the cheese is good and hard. WAY better than made fresh to order. I’m getting the urge to go to Southwest – very odd.

Day 5:
My body’s realllllllly stiff. Maybe all this B.D. food isn’t as good for me as I thought? No matter the cost though, I can’t stop my straight week of B.D. goodness. Today, I will have another B.D. classic dish – made to order omelets. I like to wait until the end of the day when I know the toppings have been out since 8 a.m.

Day 6:
As I was walking to Broward today, the oddest thing happened. My legs stopped moving. They’re stiff like metal. Weird. I can’t believe I had to take a SNAP the rest of the way.

Day 7:
I woke up in Southwest today. I looked down and didn’t recognize my body; instead of the kind-of-in-shape-but-heavily-enjoys-pasta-body I’m accustomed to seeing, I saw something I did not understand. All of this obscenely healthy food from B.D. has turned me into the epitome of health – an elliptical. Nice! 

Though this change was not something I saw coming, I’m embracing it. Maybe now in this new body I’ll be free from inhibitions and can finally lead my authentic life. Aaaand I will be a fly in the wall at the faciest gym on campus mwuahah.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.


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