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How to Call D!BS Without Sounding Like a Complete Asshole

At some point in every Gator’s life comes the time to awkwardly interrupt a group of hard-working individuals and kick them out of the study room you so painstakingly reserved for two hours of gossiping with your friends. We get it. It’s awkward. No matter how you spin it, your speech for claiming the room is going to be a little cringey at best and full on assholey at worst. To make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being an asshole, here’s a few guidelines on how to take charge of the study room you called D!BS on.

First rule about calling D!BS: do not EVER say the words “I have D!BS.” Seriously. It honestly just seems pretentious, especially when a nice “Hi, we have this room reserved” will do the trick. If you ever say the d-word, people will just roll their eyes at you, take their sweet time leaving, and then talk shit about you behind your back. Do you really want that guilt looming over you when you’re trying to do whatever it is you were going to do in your study room?

Pick the right time to strike:
The debate is as old as time: If you have the room reserved at 8 p.m., should you wait until 8 exactly so that the people you’re kicking out get the full time of their room reservation? Or go in at 7:58 to warn them that they have two minutes to evacuate so you get the full time you reserved? We suggest neither, because either way it seems like a dick move. Instead, try going in 20-30 minutes early just to let them know that you’re going to come in later. BONUS: This technique is not only polite, but it may cause the targets to gather their belongings and leave a little early.

Apologize profusely:
The more sorries you throw in there, the better. They’re like sprinkles, you can never have too many; so feel free to sprinkle apologies liberally into your speech. That way it’ll appear as though it hurts you to steal the room away from these people, earning YOU the sympathy vote. They’ll be out of there faster than you can say “I’m sorry” again.

Make a lighthearted joke:
There’s a time and place for everything. If you’re at Publix, you’re probably going to buy groceries; if you have to kick people out of the Martin Luther King Jr. study room, you’re probably going to say “I have a dream…that you will all leave because I have this room reserved.” It’s just expected. Whether you make a joke about the Tesla study room being the only Tesla you can afford in college, or just start chanting “Bill! Bill! Bill!” in the Nye study room. One thing is for sure: your jokes will definitely not go unnoticed.

Make sure you look like you needed the room:
There’s nothing worse than getting kicked out of a study room by someone who enters and immediately takes a nap. Don’t be that asshole. DISCLAIMER: We’re not saying you have to actually do any work, but at least face the window so no one can tell you’re just watching Netflix and scrolling through Facebook.

Study rooms are a place of refuge for Gators; they are a safe haven for goofing off while at the same time providing a false sense of comfort and productivity. If you remembered to call D!BS a week in advance, you clearly earned the right to sit in those spinny chairs and have the place all to yourself. Claim it like the king/queen you are.


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