My Darling Dennis,
Although we did not have much conversation—in fact, I actively avoided you more often than not—I still feel like a piece of me is missing. Yes, there was a place for you in my heart and in the hearts of many other UF students.
I feel that you were ripped from this campus far too soon, on only the third day of school. You had so much more wisdom to impart on us, and I’m sorry that you were not afforded the chance to reach your full potential. Your dance moves, as beautiful as they were, still needed practice, and I am saddened and ashamed that you will never be able to truly perfect your art.
Today as I walked to class, I looked around Turlington and couldn’t help but shed a tear. Though I was amongst hundreds of passionate flyer distributors and involved students crowded around well-decorated tables, I still felt that the plaza was emptier than usual. Even the Potato looked sad, like it was doubled over in pain mourning the loss of a beloved spud.
There can be no replacement for you, Dennis. You, like a star shining brightly and giving life to the dull, dreary planets of your own solar system, will always be remembered as a campus icon. You were a better mascot than Albert or Alberta could ever be, and they, too, will carry a piece of you with them every time they get a rise out of a crowd of students. We know that your spirit will live on, likely in close proximity to campus, so that we can always sense that your soul is at peace.
Dance on, Dennis. Dance on.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.