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Frat Row Puts Up Christmas Decorations to Distract from Shittiness

This week, houses all across Frat Row put up Christmas lights and wreaths to both celebrate the holiday season and distract from the fact their houses, as well as Greek life, are falling apart. 

Aaron Thompson, a junior in Delta Alpha Delta, said that the lights really add some ‘much needed pizazz’.

“Someone threw up on our front door at the first tailgate and, well, it’s still there, but this giant-ass wreath hides it pretty well,” Thompson said.  

Much like the Greek system itself, several of the houses are falling apart due to stupid bros doing stupid things. Two of the houses put up inflatable arches to hide the fact that they were completely missing front doors.  

“Ever since the whole thing at FSU went down, we’ve really been trying to keep a tight ship around here, but you know, things happen,” said Jack Morris, the president of Apple Beta Chi. Brothers of his fraternity scrubbed the front porch and looped lights around the pillars that were leaning a little too far to the left to make them seem sturdy. 

Christmas lights and tinsel were strewn across lawns, mixing in with Natty Light cans and crushed Solo cups. Some houses managed to incorporate these things into their decorations, using the cans as ornaments. 

The decorations are actually just a clever attempt to win back the council, as fraternities are being disbanded left and right. 

“We had to make sure the building was safe, so we put our tree under the leak in ceiling. That way it can get watered, and the floor wont be wet,” Morris said.  

UF fraternities all over Gainesville are hopeful that if they decorate with enough candy canes, people won’t remember that they’re uhhh not great.

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