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This Girl’s Happily Dating Tetris, and I Can’t Even Get a Text Back

With Valentine’s Day coming up and my hookups slowly fading into unanswered texts, it’s easy to feel lonely. Now UF’s hot couple is just pushing me further into that pit of loneliness and despair.

You know what my healthiest relationship has been with? Starbucks. If I could find someone as loyal to me as I am to my Venti strawberry green tea infusion, unsweetened with three Splendas, maybe I could have a flourishing relationship like you two do. Seeing you featured on every news outlet fills me with hope and makes me wish I could someday be in a relationship that gets that much recognition for being wholesome and strong.

Nothing could come between your bond, not calculators or hurricanes, or even his manufacturing company. I hope I can find my person the same way Tetris found his.

Seeing the happy couple walking around campus, hand in cartridge, just warms my heart. It also breaks my heart the second I’m reminded of how lonely I am. While I endlessly swipe through Tinder and go on trash date after trashier date, I know that in some dorm room somewhere, a Tetris block is getting warmly snuggled by its wonderful lover.

Is there a cuter couple that exists? She wears a hat with his name on it proudly, and I cant even get someone to put me on their Snapchat Story. A whole room with pillows and posters dedicated to your boyfriend, and I’ve never even been someone’s fucking lock screen.

I hope you have a beautiful wedding filled with blocks of all shapes and sizes. I can only hope that one day I have a love as strong as yours, but that my partner has a dick.

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