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A Drinking Game to Help You Cope with the Way Your Bank Account Looks

There’s nothing that weighs more heavily on college students’ minds than money. Whether it be for textbooks, food, partying, or gas, your life revolves around your bank account. Checking your bank statement on your phone is easier than ever these days, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. The sense of dread you get in the pit of your stomach as your app takes an extra second to load is something every college student is familiar with. Have no fear though Gators, now there’s a drinking game to play every time you check your bank account, and while it won’t make the $150 you spent on at the bars over the weekend come back, it’ll at least get you drunk which will help numb the pain.

What you’ll need:
A phone or laptop with a charge. A blurry memory of the night before (hangover optional). Beer, liquor, and the king of all alcoholic drinks, Four Loko.

Number of players:
This is really an individual based game, because who doesn’t like drinking alone? Grab as many friends as you want though and scroll through those accounts to relive all your drunken mistakes together.

Level of intoxication:
The fun part is that your level of intoxication is likely going to be directly proportional to your level of intoxication the night before. It’s a vicious cycle, but hey that’s life.

How to play:
The rules are simple, just scroll through your mobile bank statement, and any time you see any of the purchases listed below you have to drink the corresponding amount of alcohol. Got it?

– Withdrawal from that random ATM near Cantina that rings like a phone when you walk by = Sip of beer

– Pizza by the Slice after midnight = Finish beer

– Uber you remembered to split with your friends = Sip of beer

– Uber you forgot to split = Vodka shot

– $200 charge for throwing up in an Uber = priceless. (Just kidding, chug a Four Loko like the moron you clearly are.)

– Fat’s Slushy = Tequila shot

– Zipperhead from the Salty Dog Saloon = Chug beer for 5 seconds

– Any drink from a bar you don’t remember being at = Shotgun a beer

– Pokey Sticks = Jaeger bomb

The game ends when:
You can stop when you’re sufficiently drunk to forget how much of a piece of shit you are, and how you should not be trusted with a credit card. Though, it really could go on forever because let’s face it, you’ll always be a piece of shit. The beauty of the whole thing is that now that you played the game, you’re drunk again and can go make more poor financial decisions and start the cycle again tomorrow.

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