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Tired UF Students Stay Awake on Campus by Participating in New “Sleep Study”


University of Florida students discovered that participating in a new sleep study on campus helps them stay awake during their hellishly long and boring days. Students say this new study is the only thing that has them getting through their days.  

Emily Cho, one student who participated in the sleep study, uses it on days when caffeine alone just doesn’t cut it. “My daily coffee IV failed me. Like, I literally thought I would never be able to make it through a full day again without wanting to die, but then I discovered this study that helped replace sleep,” Cho said.

The new sleep study on campus focuses on helping students regain energy through the process of closing their eyes.

A senior psychology major at UF, Benda Thompson, gave the following statement after her first day participating in the study: “I seriously just close my eyes for a while when my prof starts droning on. And then BAM, by the end of my class I’m ready to go on with my day.”

“I felt no need to get my venti soy latte this morning!” exclaimed Thompson, “There’s just something soooo relaxing and energizing about closing your eyes during lectures.”

According to students, this sleep study and sleeping in class are two very different things. This campus-sanctioned study also checks to see the difference in your energy levels.

“OMG, I get so tired of people thinking I sleep during class,” Cho stated when asked what the difference was. “Like, no, I’m actually doing this super cool study for UF. Like, I’m contributing to really important research! It may look like I’m sleeping, but I promise I’m not. I’m seriously doing something meaningful for once in my life; I’m even helping others by being on of the first people testing out the study.”

“Sleeping in class is a big no no for me, but the new sleep study on campus allows me to actually feel refreshed after class, without y’know, feeling guilty about falling asleep in class after a night at Grog,’ Thompson stated.

The question of whether the this study actually consists of students’ sleeping in class remains up in the air; regardless, students on campus have never looked so refreshed.

Please, keep your parents off of Tinder.



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