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4 Ways to Survive This Year’s Post-Election Purge at UGA

 

Even though every student is excited to be able to vote in this year’s illustrious BS we call an election, it seems evident that this year will likely result in a Purge. Don’t worry, we here at The Black Sheep have prepared a fool-proof guide to surviving the horrors that will ensue on UGA’s campus after the official announcement of the new POTUS, regardless of which asshole wins.

 

4.) MLC Reading Room Barricade:
In order to keep your dainty self alive and well, you are going to need a base of operations. The reading room in the MLC is the best place for this for two simple reasons: the masses generally avoid it all costs and the few stragglers who do use this space are valuable allies. It is also the easiest place to barricade due to the fact that it has only one point of entry and plenty of useless books to build the barricade.

 

3.) Night Bus Ground Transportation:
If you are familiar with the film franchise, you understand that you need a vehicle because staying in one place is never successful. Our recommendation is high jacking one of the night buses. These buses have seen some shit and are prepared to handle anything. To strike the fear of God into your enemies, do what most of the drivers do and recklessly make turns; if you do this, no one will touch you, we guarantee it.

 

2.) Bolton Armory:
You are going to need weapons to survive fighting anyone here on an athletic scholarship. The stations at Bolton should be able to sustain your food supply. An old waffle will work as a semi-bulletproof shield. The bruised fruit, which no one is touching anyway, make excellent blunt objects. If any of that is not to your liking, you can always poison people by just actually feeding them the food.

 

1.) Cookie Food Supply:
This one is tricky. It will be difficult to find a decent area to obtain your rations for the disaster. But our solution is: Insomnia Cookies. It is probably already established that this is the designated safe haven, and the only trusted food distributer in a 100-mile radius. Yes, the options are slim but if you are not prepared to live off delicious cookies ‘till 4 a.m., then you will not survive.

 

If you follow this post-election Purge survival guide, you just might stand a chance on UGA’s campus after the final votes are counted late Tuesday night. After a tumultuous election season and heated political discussions breaking out all over UGA’s campus, you’ll need all the help you can get.

 

 

 

If binge drinking is a major problem, then why does cheap beer come in packs of 30?:

 
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