You know what we’ve thought wandering aimlessly around campus? Who the hell Abraham Baldwin is and why he deserves some statue. He doesn’t look important, and he dresses like some colonial era frat boy, so why would he get a statue? We highly doubt he was capable of surviving 1 a.m. bar crawl every night and still pass his 9 a.m. calculus with a solid C-. With all that in mind we thought of some people who have made a bigger impact on UGA than some ancient schmuck and totally deserve to have statues on campus.
6.) Waka Flocka Flame:
Waka Flocka is one of the most iconic donors to UGA’s party buzz. He has given us many notable memories such as being 3 hours late to his own show and wiping his ass with a Trump shirt. Like he just keeps pumping out respect for UGA and its students. It should be noted that this man is capable of making “No Hands,” relevant 5+ years later.
5.) DJ Rx:
Not many people have the amazing talent of being able to mash together your favorite pop radio hits to the tune of an edm beat. It’s not like you can just do that on Spotify or anything. Anyone capable of finessing a $10 cover charge from some broke college students deserves recognition. Not to mention he has to resist the urge to smash every sloppy drunk kid asking to play some Drake with his sound setup and that is some serious patience, friends.
4.) Miss Sandra:
This woman really deserves two statues, but we’re on a budget and tuition is pricey enough already. She’s one of the most notable of UGA staff, making the trek through Snelling to see her totally worth it. Despite the amount of buffoonery and tomfoolery she has to put up with on a daily basis, she still manages to greet every student with a smile and welcome them to the worst dining hall on campus.
3.) Bolton Creeper:
A statue commemorating one of the most bizarre yet fearful campus occurrences should be a given. No one can forget that thought of “why is there an old white man sitting in Bolton for 6 hours at a time,” waiting for your life to turn into a real life CSI episode. We’ve all heard the stories, and besides, it was like most exciting to happen in all of Bolton’s existence.
2.) A Godzilla-Sized Swati Atop the BLC:
What better way to commemorate the new Business Learning Center as well as the hell that is Accounting 1 than with a Godzilla-sized statue of the Warden of Accounting herself. For this statue to work, we need Swati to be a giant, Godzilla-like figure who is always chanting “I love accounting.” She will also be depicted stomping on a student who brought a laptop to class after half-reading the technology rules on the syllabus. We believe this is the most respectful as well as appropriate homage to these two powerful UGA entities.
1.) Giant Condom Outside the UHC:
It is honestly a travesty that there are not more statues of condoms around. In fact, it’s flat out disrespectful. A condom is there for you in your most intimate times and is looking out for you when you need it most. That is why we believe we need a giant condom statue to honor our fallen hero. It will also be in dedication to the Health Center, where most students receive their first STD test, usually because they used a faulty free condom the health center gave them in the first place.
We firmly believe that these new additions will boost student pride as well as the overall aesthetic of campus. For more things funny and UGA stay tuned to The Black Sheep. For more about controversial statues check a local news station.