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7 UGA Things To Roast On Thanksgiving Besides Turkey

Sure, UGA is a reputable university with many an attribute, but there are some things that just deserve a nice roast every now and then, our dear university being one of them. We’re not talking about burning your popcorn in the Creswell microwave roast, we’re talking you forgot the turkey in the oven and accidentally burned down your entire house on Thanksgiving kinda roast. After this, UGA’s campus will be even crispier than when the Juul epidemic of early-2017 broke out.

7.) UGA’s damn student section:
You know what’s the best part about going to a UGA football game? We don’t know either, but it’s definitely not the student section in Sanford. Nothing like smelling that nice mix of Taaka and sweat right before you pass out from a heatstroke surrounded by people who will knife you for a UGA pompom. Go Dawgs!

6.) The weather:
UGA’s weather is more annoying than the girl downtown who keeps spilling her drink on you during during DJRX’s 3 hour set. On the bright side, you can see every weather phenomena in a week: snow, hurricane, death by sun, and quite possibly a sharknado. Whether July or December, you won’t know how to properly suit up in the morning. Forewarning, your weather app can and will lie to you, so good luck.

5.) How short our winter break is compared to others:
Everyone despises UGA for starting our fall semester when summer actually transforms into fun. But to top it off, whoever tf plans the microscopic break, also known as the winter one, made it shorter than your attention span in your plant bio lecture. Nothing like ringing in the new semester, not with textbooks and pencils, but with something not exactly on your syllabus: your hangover from New Years. New year, new me? Ha, okay maybe next year.

4.) Athena:
No, not the Greek goddess. She’s fine, but the friggin online registration system, aka the bane of every student’s existence, or the reason that many down an entire bottle of Advil during registration time. If we could do anything about this system it would it would be to scrap it entirely. We’re not sure what, but for sure something else.

3.) Top Hat/Arkaive/iClickers/Any other form of attendance B.S.:
If UGA teachers learn one thing during their time here, it’s that this systematic shit DOES NOT WORK. Yes, we know they are amazing for you, the Man, but when attendance is 10% of our grade, try to utilize a system with more of a work ethic than most students. Our grades should not be dependent on a moody hormonal website when we already deal with a moody hormonal lab partner.

2.) The campus itself:
Some campuses are made for walking, some are made for driving. UGA’s campus is built for, well, neither. Most cars believe that crosswalks are optional and will not realize they should stop until you leave the imprint of your face on their front bumper. Since walking to class is required, hills will become your worst nightmare, but they are the reason your ass looks amazing.

1.) Parking services:
These ninjas want nothing more than to ruin your day and your bank account. All you wanted to do was treat yourself to The Niche and now you have to pay $60 because you used an empty parking space that no one was using. They know when the right moment to strike, too, as if they have had some fake-ass James Bond training.

All of these items deserve a nice, long, slow, painful roast where they can think about what they have done. We hope this list included all of your grievances and maybe inspires someone to create a fire dis track.


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