Girls are always complaining about the fuckboys of Athens as if they’re one dimensional. As if blowing off a guy as “just another fuckboy” implies that he’s the same as all the others. Well, we have news; fuckboys come in all different shapes and sizes. Different ones have different tactics. In fact, here there are 10 types of fuckboys at UGA:
10.) The freshman who is only looking to rack up his body count in the high rise dorms:
When boys finally get to UGA and realize how many pretty girls there are in Creswell alone, something happens inside of them; it’s a competition of sorts. They have to sleep with as many girls as possible just because they can. Because it’s all about the number, they will never hook up with someone twice. Seriously, once you’ve done the deed on their crusty futon you’re already old news. Don’t worry ladies, you can do a hell of a lot better than 18-year-old Jack who still can’t do his own laundry.
9.) The drunky who can only hookup while fucked up:
With the huge alcohol culture at this school, people get very used to hooking up while intoxicated. Now, that can be fun every once in awhile as long as everything is consensual, but then there are the fuckboys who literally only know how to hookup drunk. If a guy only remembers that you exist when he’s fucked up, RUN! He can’t perform well in this state, especially not after having one too many at Whiskey Bent and literally contracting whiskey dick. So do yourself a favor and find a guy who wants to remember sleeping with you.
8.) The guy whose hung up one his ex at Tech:
We all know that guy who decided to break things off with his high school girlfriend so that he could have freedom in college. In most cases, that guy is still hung up on her, and is only looking for physical satisfaction from you. If he’s Snapchatting her every time you guys hang out, you have to get yourself out of the situation. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it when a guy still thinks that his high school sweetheart, Megan, is this smart, beautiful, creature living it up at Georgia Tech without him. This type of fuckboy will make you feel invisible and unimportant when it’s out of your control that he can’t move on.
7.) The commitment-phobe that constantly reminds you that you two are not dating:
Have you ever been hooking up with a guy that repeatedly says, “you’re not my girlfriend” or, “by the way I don’t want a relationship,” when YOU DON’T EITHER?! Same. It’s such a turn off when a guy is cocky enough to assume that you want a relationship with him when you never hinted at that in the slightest. This type of fuckboy will literally just assume that you love them and they’re the best sex you’ve ever had. Get off of your high horse, guy-from-bio-lab-that-came-on-one-date-night, girls can (and do) want casual flings too.
6.) The redneck Tinder user who’s holding a fish in 10/10 of his profile pics:
Tinder in Athens is PLAGUED with boys in Southern Marsh t-shirts holding up the fish they caught, the deer they shot, and the beer they drank. The best thing you can do is swipe left, because these guys are guaranteed to let you down if you meet them in person.
5.) The guy who never acknowledges you on campus, but texts you “WYD,” at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday:
This type of fuckboy will only hit you up when it’s convenient for him. As if we’re just sitting around waiting for his, “WYD,” text in the middle of the night. Again, the sex won’t be good because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about your needs at all. We’ve all fallen victim to the “WYD,” text, but we encourage all of you ladies to stay strong and ignore these messages. You can find someone who wants to see you in the light of day.
4.) The entitled idiot who asks for nudes but never sends any back:
Once in a blue moon, you’ll come across a fuckboy who has the audacity to ask you to send nudes, although he has no intention of sending any back. Um, sorry sir, but it’s the 21st century and men and women are equal-ish now. I’m only showing you mine if you’re showing me yours. (Ladies, given that he’s a fuckboy, maybe don’t send the nudes regardless.)
3.) The Greek Park snake who only cares about your letters:
This is the guy who meets you in a bar and right off the bat, asks, “which sorority are you in?” He doesn’t ask if you’re in a sorority, he just assumes you are. To make matters even worse, he’s only looking for a few correct answers. If you’re not top tier, forget about it. Homeboy will walk away from you on the spot if you’re not as sratty as he is fratty.
2.) The frat daddy who would rather be cracking open a cold one with the boys:
This is honestly the most classic fuckboy of all fuckboys. He gets fulfillment in life from shenanigans with his brothers. Hooking up with girls is only something he does to feel good in the moment and tell his buddies all about it the next day. Spending time with you will never be a priority because his boys come first.
1.) The fuckboy who violently opposes your reproductive rights:
He will oppose abortion even though we all know he’d want you to get one if he knocked you up. He won’t want girls to have free access to birth control, even though he’ll ask if you’re on the pill. He’ll make insulting comments about gay people and degrading comments about poor people. If he holds all of these beliefs, especially at a young age, he’s guaranteed to be too selfish to have a solid relationship anyways.
We all find ourselves caught up on a fuckboy at one point or another. We spend days wondering why they didn’t text back and analyze the last encounter. We let them make us feel like we’re not good enough, when in reality the girls on this campus are so out of their leagues. There are lots of fuckboys in Athens, but if you know how to spot them, you stand a better chance of avoiding them in the future. Stick it out for the guy who will make you feel like a princess, ladies, or at least the guy who will actually take you out to dinner somewhere that’s not Cook Out.