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LEAKED: What UGA Tour Guides Actually Have Written On Their Notecards


Being a tour guide takes a lot of memorization, charisma, and concealer to hide last night’s hickeys from potential donors and students’ mothers. Kinda hard to say that we are a serious institution when we have our guides looking like they just came from a failed audition at Toppers. There’s a lot that goes into the act , but we managed to get ahold of some of the notecards tour guides actually carry when they’re showing people around UGA.


5.) The Arch:





This feeling of hate is understandable considering that anytime we see a tour we want to push the entire tour group and the parents in front of a moving bus let alone just under the Arch. As you can tell just by looking around campus, we have too many people, TOO MANY. It is also probable to assume it takes a lot of patience for a tour guide to not lose their cool and do what we all want to do and ruin undergrad at UGA for a helpless high school student.


4.) North Campus:



North Campus is one of the most beautiful places on campus, as you can tell by the jungle of Enos that have taken over the entire area. It is also the location of many of your freshman dt nights because it has the most comfortable grass on campus to pass out on. It seems valid that a tour guide would only want to pass along the same glorious tradition to his or her favorite potential freshman.


3.) Abraham Baldwin Statue:



Let’s be honest, no one knows exactly who this person is and no one wants to know. Not even the highly trained UGA tour guides know who he is, but because there is a statue, they must show it off. It seems only logical that they have to do anything they can in order to make things exciting while on a 2-hour tour of wonderful school, even if you gotta burn a high schooler in the process.


2.) Bolton:



We have a love/hate relationship with this place. We hate the food, the weight gain, and all the people in it, but we also love it because it’s we’d probably die if we had to cook for ourselves. A good tour guide would warn you about how this place will do everything it can to ruin your beach body goals.


1.) Brumby Butt Hill:



You know what’s a fun time? Walking up this hill when you’re carrying 3 textbooks, it’s 90 degrees outside, and you’re still drunk from the night before—now that’s fun. There aren’t that many things that you can say that are positive about having to walk up this hill except for the workout. This hill will give the ass that you’ve been working for in the gym for the past 4 months.


After seeing these notecards, it’s safe to say that the tour guides deserve a break for doing the most. We for sure couldn’t handle their job.


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