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How to Make UGA Football Home Games Great Again

 

 

Every student at UGA knows that UGA football, despite its recent win against Kentucky (thanks, Rodrigo), needs some work. Maybe even some heavy-duty restructuring, some “making great again,” if you will. And if you’ll allow that, you’ll probably also allow us to call it our MUGAFGA initiative. We’ve thought about it, and we think that the best way to begin making some headway in this plan, we’ve got to make home games at Sanford great again first and foremost. We believe that these steps will enable UGA football to achieve the very vague and probably unachievable status of “great”. Read carefully.

 

Step One:
Get everyone and their mother and father and sister and brother to Sanford Stadium. Even if Auburn’s 27,000 students enrolled pulled up to the arches, it would look meager compared to UGA’s 35,000 and Sanford’s 92,000. When there’s a packed-out-in-all-red Sanford, there’s nothing that can harshen the mood, not even a sliver of orange and blue.

 

Step Two:
Point at the trumpet soloist at the beginning of the game as usual, only this time, there’s no trumpet, only Trump dressed as Cousin It. A Trump-It, if you will. He heard about our initiative and thought a pun on UGA’s trumpet solo would be the best way to begin supporting our community.

 

Step Three:
Shake the game day shakers more violently than you ever have before. This will intimidate the fair-hearted Auburn fans because a sea of red game day shakers looks like a bubbling sea of blood from the away student section. Also, you can’t be shaking and shaker and simultaneously hate the Dawgs. It’s just too much fun.

 

Step Four:
Place real money wagers in a fight between Hairy Dawg and Aubbie. Real money means real involvement, and real involvement means having fun! So let’s host a war of the mascots between the hedges and place money wagers on their heads. It only makes sense.

 

Step Five:
Be the last people to leave Sanford Stadium. We have numbered days left in that holy place this season, and to make the most of it, stay until the sun sets over the field. Student section moral shouldn’t dip below a 7 on a general volume-level scale until we can see the big dipper over the 50-yard line.

 

Step Six:
Rally the whole student body in a DT takeover. After you finish your time in Sanford, of course. Just flood the bars, like an overflowing of a large amount of water. Make sure the bartenders and Auburn kids trying to get lit don’t know what hit them.

 

There you have it. The steps to making home games great. Thanks for the tagline and the support, Trump and also Cousin It!

 

 

 

If binge drinking is a major problem, then why does cheap beer come in packs of 30?:

 
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