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President Morehead Signs Executive Order Banning UNG Students from Athens Bars


A shockwave has rippled through Athens as President Morehead has recently signed an executive order that will ban all UNG students from Athens Bars. The order was signed just this morning, and it is set to go into effect immediately. There is lot of speculation as to its possible ramifications.


“I personally believe that this order will be of good grace to UGA,” remarked President Morehead, “UGA has always had the highest standards for fun and education and I am tired of it being sullied by these immigrating students.”


The goal of this order is to minimize the buffoonery that occurs in the downtown Athens community because it is obvious that UGA students are the pinnacle of good behavior. Many student have felt that UNG students bring nothing but a bad rep when they are in a bar-filled downtown, which means that their kind is not welcomed here, no siree.


“It pains me to see the good name of UGA tarnished by students who have no respect for the Dawg nation. I really wish that our great downtown area could be shared with all of our neighbor students, but the UNG population is not one we want to welcome into our territory.”


There are some people concerned that this executive order will have some negative consequences on UGA and Athens. These people believe that the order will have negative impacts on UGA’s relations with other schools as well as the economy of Athens. We asked Morehead about his opinion on the topic.


“It’s too early to tell now about the consequences of the order,” answered President Morehead, “however I do believe the costs will outweigh the negatives in this situation.


When we were discussing the topic with him, it became clear that he did not know what he was talking about, he just seemed to not like UNG students.


“The ban will protect UGA from all of those bad Nighthawks that are bringing crime to the Athens community. The priority is keeping the sanctity of the UGA dream alive and well amongst its population.”


We also wanted to ask him if he was concerned by how this might affect UGA students. UGA has many transfer students from UNG who will now be unable to mingle with their friends from the other side of the UNG/UGA border wall.


“The loyalty of our true student body should be with the Dawg nation and therefore I trust that the affected students will understand the sacrifice,’ exclaimed Morehead, “in fact, if they are a true UGA student they will believe in the order.”


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