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Tim Blake Nelson Expected To Play Homophobic Tate Preacher In Upcoming Biopic

UGA’s Film Department just greenlit a biopic, featuring the life and times of Homophobic Tate Preacher, and cast the obvious choice as the film’s main character: Tim Blake Nelson, that guy from Holes. 

There’s no denying–when he’s not yelling about yoga pants serving as the bane of the male and female existence– Homophobic Tate Preacher looks a lot like Tim Blake Nelson.

“Before I heard him talk, I thought UGA got that dude from Holes to speak at Tate,” said freshman Sam Reynolds. “You know, something like a ‘Where are they now?’ kinda thing.”

Many other students, mostly freshmen, have confused Homophobic Tate Preacher with Mr. Nelson and approve the idea of him playing Homophobic Tate Preacher in this projected blockbuster.

“Usually, this Tim Blake Nelson plays the token fun-sucking character that everyone hates, and I can’t think of another way to honor Homophobic Tate Preacher’s character than with this stroke of casting genius,” says student-director Teo Yorn.

We sat down with Nelson and Homophobic Tate Preacher to discuss their thoughts on the project. 

“I’m so used to having people watch and mimic me, having Tim follow me around for a couple weeks won’t be anything out of the ordinary. I may have to change my spiel up every now and then so he doesn’t get bored,” laughed Homophobic Tate Preacher. 

Nelson retorted, “I’m a fan of playing the bad guys, ya know. But, Homophobic Tate Preacher really isn’t a bad guy when you get to know him. He’s actually a bit of a sweetheart.”

At this, Homophobic Tate Preacher blushed hard. 

The film, predicted to set box office records, is rumored to be 90 minutes of Tim Blake Nelson holding a bible, yelling into the void, and provoking altercations with any and everyone.

The film is expected to be released in theaters when the world is coming to an end as a result of your whoredom. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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