With only a few weeks left until final exams, Thanksgiving Break is on the horizon and academic tensions are high. So we only thought it fitting to stereotype the professors that UGA has to offer using Thanksgiving food items. Thought you could get away with forming a coalition and having all of our tests on the same day? Or thought your day of grace/dropping the lowest test grade would go unnoticed? This is your karma.
This professor is the type that isn’t quite necessary. You don’t need cranberry sauce, but the good kind can enhance your learning/eating experience. Kind of like how you can teach yourself most of the material in certain classes, but in order for the class to be considered a class, this adult has to stand in front of a lecture hall reading a PowerPoint for 50 minute, three days a week. But, what makes this professor sweet is that he’s the type that’ll give you bonus points just for showing up to class. You’ll most likely find this professor deep in the halls of the MLC or maybe sparingly globbed on a piece of really dry turkey.
Sweet Potato Casserole:
This is the type of professor that lets you out of class ten minutes early the last day before Thanksgiving Break. It’s not quite dessert, but it’s pretty dang close. She’ll probably grade your work more easily if you keep her company during office hours and she always comes with either toasted pecans or marshmallows. You would probably find this lady in Park Hall behind some wispy white hair and a really thick pair of eyeglasses.
This is that professor that is so dry that you need to chug your whole fancy china glass of water and the contents of the gravy boat just to wash it down. He normally has a full head of white hair and wrinkles as deep as the Marianas Trench. This guy you’ve definitely seen walking in/around the new SLC walking as slow as molasses in the middle of the sidewalk, forcing you to work around him. Much like your father puts the turkey mid-plate, forcing you to work around it as you make your way through the pot-luck.
This professor is like the vegan “meat” your distant cousin brings because your parents willingly left her in charge of the main course. This is the professor that is really interesting to listen to, but the deficit in your knowledge levels is just too big for you to bridge the gap. You can’t have an opinion or eat the Tofurkey because the professor is just too smart and cultured. It’s too different from everything you’ve ever valued. Ever. You’ve seen this one in the Lamar Dodd art building probably being way cooler than you could possibly dream of being.
This is the professor that is truly one with his students. He’s the one that cusses during class to show his students that he doesn’t adhere to the university censorship. He’ll also crack the best jokes in class and tell you the truth about the powers that be. He comes fully loaded with homemade whipped cream and a chance for you to come back from failing the first test. You can most likely find this professor in the same department as his wife, Cranberry Sauce. They go great together, don’t they?
Well, there you have it. The types of professor that we all know and sometimes love. Who knew Thanksgiving dinner could be so relatable? The pilgrims knew, they knew alright.
If you woke up this morning surrounded by ravaged Lunchable boxes, this is for you: