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UF Seeks New Coach on Athens Craigslist

 

This past Saturday, history was made when the dawgs beat the gators. Not only was it a victory over UF, but it moved us up to the #1 spot in the SEC. UF was so humiliated by this loss that they fired their coach, Jim McElwain, immediately after the game.

 

The next day, while we were all sobering up from frat beach, UF began their hunt for a new coach. Obviously, being the pungent orange and blue imbeciles they are, the hunt began on Craigslist. But get this; they didn’t use the Gainesville site – they turned to Craigslist of Athens.

 

“Considering the dawgs are a dream team this year, Florida probably figured picking a coach from our neck of the woods was their best bet,” said one football expert in the car on the way back to Athens from Jacksonville. “Of course, no one on Craigslist is going to have relevant experience, but UF is at a desperation level of anyone from Athens being better than poor old McElwain.”

 

Our inside sources tell us that although Florida has not made a final decision, they found a few leads from Athens Craigslist.

 

Gil Gator, Florida’s recruiter for this position, said, “Look, I’m not proud of this tactic, but maybe there’s something in the water up in Athens. We’ve found a few leads on their Craigslist site and should be making a final decision soon.”

 

It turns out that they’re deciding between a former PE coach from Clarke Middle School, an instructor at Athens Fight Club, and an area man who claims to be the next messiah.

 

We got in touch with the former PE coach, Rod Gunner, who said, “I’ve never curated anything larger than a flag football tournament for 7th graders. But, hey, if Florida will have me, the money is probably more than I’ve ever seen!”

 

We also tracked down the instructor from Athens Fight Club, but unfortunately, he said his first rule was that he wasn’t allowed to discuss it.

 

It’s safe to say that with our spot at #1, Florida may just need to bank on the next messiah pulling through for them.

 

 

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