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UGA to Protests Incoming Freshmen Class Size

 

A massive demonstration is taking place by the current UGA student population. Their goal is to limit the incoming freshmen population to approximately 14 to lessen the amount of idiocy on campus that the 18-year-olds typically produce.

The protesters have apparently had enough of freshman antics, such as increasing the wait for a fake ID to four months and existing as people in general.

“I’ve been at this school for some time now, and I can tell you without a doubt that every year there are just way too many of these freshmen fumbling their way around campus,” stated Jeremy Mohead, a 6th year freshmen protester and march organizer. “We believe the student body of UGA will prosper as a whole if we limit the population so that we don’t have to deal with things like dorms, aggravated bartenders, and bicycle roadkill.”

Sophomore Cat Farr, who at the time was posting a protest photo to her Instagram, had her own opinions on the matter.

“They just haven’t actually experienced life, and like don’t understand its purpose. They have no idea that popcorn served in a shot glass from Boar’s Head will have you reach Nirvana, or that the dining hall only serves stir fry on Wednesdays,” said Far. “And until they dance on a bar with nothing but a bralette and their Greek t-shirt, I can’t take them seriously.”

Curious as to why UGA decided on 14 rather than 13 or, say, 50 for the freshman class size, The Black Sheep did some further investigation with the help of Mohead.

“15 would be far too many, Mohead stated. “You have to draw the line somewhere.”

Incoming freshman Justin Fresh, had only positive things to say.

“Wow I could not be more excited to get involved in such a dedicated and active student body. Everyone here just seems so committed and I’m sure they would love my help.”

Only time will tell if UGA’s president will take these protests seriously and exclude the majority of freshmen.

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