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If UGA Locations Were Former POTUSes

 

With election day a little under a week away, we thought it fitting to reminisce on the former Presidents of the United States (POTUS for short). We have studied the facts of all things UGA and all things POTUS and have compiled a list of the places at UGA we deem fitting to represent former Mr. Presidents. So without further ado, here’s a list of presidents and their “spirit places” at UGA.

 

George Washington as the Founder’s Garden:
Despite the obvious connection with the whole “founder” thing, we think the Founder’s Garden suits Georgie quite nicely for other reasons as well. The garden has such an honorable feel to it: it’s calm, it’s wise, and it sure as heck wants nothing to do with a bipartisan political system. And there isn’t anyone who hates the Founder’s Garden. Much like the only POTUS to ever be unanimously elected into office. No coincidence here, folks.

 

Franklin Roosevelt as Ramsey:
He might not be the one post-WWI America wanted, but he’s the one it needed. This sure does remind us of a certain gym we know of. You know, the one whose membership fees are included in your tuition? The one all the way on East Campus with the fewest amount of treadmills to be considered a full-functioning gym? Not the one you want, but definitely the one you need. Especially after a frat beach weekend.

 

Andrew Jackson as all of DT:
We don’t know about you, but we imagine Jackson as spending all his time at Whiskey Bent sipping on some sort of hard liquor. Come on, he’s the most BA president we’ve ever had. He spent 39 years of his life walking around with a bullet two inches from his heart. He embodies all that DT dreams of being.

 

John Kennedy as Jittery Joe’s:
We’ve actually seen JFK frequent the MLC Joe’s. We don’t know why, but he orders espresso in a really weird way. He always asks for one shot, but that one barista would pretend to shoot him and that the other barista would actually shoot him. And what’s also weird is that Jittery Joe’s hired some bloke named Lee Harvey Oswald.

 

James Buchanan as the Game Day Porta-Potties:
We don’t care what you think. Buchanan is the WOAT. A man can’t let the entire southeast of his nation leave and get away unscathed. And this is sort of like the portable bathrooms that UGA so graciously provides on Saturdays in the fall. They are also the WOAT.

 

William Howard Taft as Bolton:
We compare these two things due to their array of policies and innumerable options they provide for their citizens/students. It has nothing to do with the fact that Taft is fat and Bolton is a dining hall. Absolutely no correlation there.

 

Barack Obama as ECV:
We’ve pegged our current pres as the athlete village for two reasons. The first being that Obama might be the fittest president we’ve ever had. And the second is that he sleeps next to Michelle. Or Sony Michel. Whichever you prefer.

 

There you have it, UGA. Former POTUSes as your favorite, or least favorite, places around campus. We hope this brought you to a place of blissful remembrance in order to soften the blow of next Tuesday. 

 

 

 

No, you can’t use shacking to justify being “technically homeless”:

 
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