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10 Depressing Statistics About How Depressing GVSU Is

If you go to GVSU’s website you can find a lot of uplifting, great statistics about Grand Valley State University. The website provides information on the number of students and how many beds are on campus, but what they neglect to tell us, is the not-so-fun stuff, the depressing stuff. Since Grand Valley won’t tell you what that stuff is, we will! Here are 10 super depressing statistics about GVSU:

10.) 46.9% of GVSU students in the graduate survey rated campus parking as “poor”:
This is a common gripe among college students at all universities. If you live off campus, you pay Grand Valley State hundreds of dollars to drive a half mile to campus and then walk a mile from your spot to class. If you park in Lot J, bring some water and a tent to pitch because you’re in for a hike, homie. 

9.)  7% of GVSU’s recent graduates are unemployed:
Grand Valley’s website says 93% of GVSU’s recent graduates are employed or in graduate school, which means 7% of them aren’t. This would be a great statistic if the national unemployment rate wasn’t 4.1%. Yes, the unemployment rate of GVSU graduates is higher than the national average (most of which don’t have degrees).

8.) GVSU’s football team outscored opponents 411-143 and still didn’t make playoffs:
No Laker was excited to find out tailgate season ended early. Although GVSU went 8-3, we were snubbed from playoffs. In their 3 losses, GVSU lost by a combined total of 10 points.

7.) We printed more than 3 million pieces of paper this semester (so far):
If you didn’t hate yourself already, we bet you do now! Everyone might as well take a chainsaw and cut down a tree (or several trees) in the arboretum. On the bright side, maybe there’s actually a need for the printing limit?

6.) We pay GVSU about $32 an hour for lectures:
Each individual student pays about $6,000 for lower-level tuition before scholarships or grants. The average student goes to a 3-credit class twice a week for 1.25 hours. Assuming 12.5 hours in class (for a 15-credit schedule) for 15 weeks, 15 weeks times 12.5 hours is 187.5 hours spent in lecture over a semester. Divide $6,000 by 187.5 hours and you get $32 for ever hour of lecture time. So, every time you skip a 75 minute class, you throw away $40.

5.) We pay GVSU about $2.80 a day to park on campus:
A full-time commuter pass is $210 a semester. The pass is valid 5 days a week for 15 weeks, so 15 weeks times 5 days equals 75 parking days. A $210 fee divided by 75 parking days is $2.80 per parking day. If you think about it, that’s enough money for a couple tacos from Allendale’s finest (yes, we’re talking about Taco Bell).

4.) The average temperature in Allendale is above 60 degrees only four months out of the year:
June, July, August, and September are the only four months out of the year where the average temperature in Allendale is above 60 degrees. Grand Valley likes to show off its beautiful campus, but don’t let those brochures fool you. Being in Allendale in the winter is like being in Hell as it freezes over.

3.) We pay about $6.43 a meal with a 14+ meal plan (if you use every meal):
Most students use 13 meals on average, so the price per meal is closer to $7. Think about it: subtracting debit dollars, you pay almost $7 a meal for campus food. That’s practically jail food.

2.) An average sized class pays GVSU $832 an hour for lectures:
The average class size at GV is 26 students. If every student pays $32 an hour for a lecture, that means an average class pays GVSU $832 for one hour of lecture. For a 75 minute lecture, the class pays GVSU $1,040.

1.) 0% of GVSU trees have money growing on them:
Probably the most depressing stat on the list. Unfortunately, none of the trees on campus are money trees.

These statistics might sound depressing, but that’s because they are. Grand Valley, like most schools, is a complete rip-off. It could be a lot worse, though. Remember, it could always be SVSU taking all your money.

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