Grand Valley is full of highly motivated individuals that want to make a difference in the world; however, sometimes students don’t feel motivated enough to get out of bed and brave the April snow. Here are some of the most common excuses GV students give their professors when they just “aren’t feeling it.”
10.) “I overslept my alarm”:
Ah, a classic. You thought you’d have no problem waking up for your Friday 9 a.m. after a night of drinking with the boys at Mully’s and now you’re in a shit storm. This is the default move for rookies. Don’t be a rookie. Professors are NOT rookies and they’ll recognize this basic excuse immediately.
9.) “The 50 I was on got into an accident” (multiple times in the same week):
During the winter semester the roads can sometimes get slippery (even in April!), and the mechanics at the Rapid probably haven’t looked at the brakes for a long time. Yeah, sure, the Rapid buses occasionally rear-end cars on Lake Michigan Drive. No, Jared. No one believes you were in three accidents in the same week.
8.) “The rain, snow, or hail made me late”:
The weather in West Michigan ALWAYS sucks, so don’t expect any sympathy from 25 other people that came to class on time. It doesn’t help that most students live on campus or literally across the street. Saying the “roads were terrible” doesn’t apply to people moving their car from one parking lot to another one.
7.) “There was traffic heading back from the east side”:
Sharon left from Novi at 12:30 p.m. and stopped at Starbucks after a 10-minute drive because “treat yo self.” Now, she expects to make a 2.5-hour drive in 1.5-hours to make it to her 2 p.m. class. Good luck, Sharon. We don’t believe in you.
6.) “I’m sick” (hungover):
Don’t be that guy that tries to snow over a professor that went to college for 7+ years. They were beer crazy 20-somethings too. No, you’re not a clever liar. Your professor just didn’t call you out. They understand that you live next to beer city, but next time, be more creative.
5.) “I couldn’t find a parking spot, so I parked in Lot J and walked here”:
Billy left three minutes early for his class at noon and now he’s scared he won’t make it on time. The only place he can park to make it on time is in the food delivery truck parking spots behind Fresh. Don’t be a Billy.
4.) “I got lost in Mackinac”:
Actually, this is a somewhat legitimate excuse. You may be a junior with multiple classes a week in Mackinac Hall, but sometimes you just don’t know where the hell you’re at. The designer of Mackinac Hall probably didn’t finish top of their class, but you won’t either if you end up late to all your finals!
3.) “I was in the bathroom”:
Everyone’s been there. You thought you’d only be in the bathroom for a few minutes. Next thing you know, you have a bruise on the top of your thighs from staring at memes on your phone for 45 minutes. Just quietly go back to class and sit down. If class is already over, pick up your stuff and leave.
2.) “I thought class was canceled today”:
The classic switch-a-roo. Your 10 a.m. got cancelled but you still have to wake up for your 8 a.m. class. This narrative didn’t fit your world view, so you skipped your 8 a.m. class. Makes perfect sense!
1.) “I don’t care about this class. It’s not even in my major”:
The one dude that is too honest and thinks he’s too cool for school and tries to make a statement on the uselessness of the professor’s lectures with ONLY A WEEK LEFT? Beware of these people. They are the type of people that you see JUUL-ing inside Kirkhof. They are not to be trusted.
Be honest. No one believes your grandma died four times this semester. Your professor will just not like you and that won’t do you any favors. Most professors give one to three skip days without a grade penalty. Maximize your skip days, but don’t be a fool.
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