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Top 10 Things To Do if You’re a Loser with No GVSU Halloween Plans

Just because everyone else is dressing up as pregnant Kylie Jenner and going around asking for freebie candy doesn’t mean you have to. There are several other things you can do, if your invite got lost in the mail, that don’t involve getting flat-out wasted, stealing candy from kids, or going to costume parties where at least one person ends up naked.

10.) Join the pagan club for their Samhain party:

The pagan club takes this time to celebrate the end of the harvest, and the beginning of winter. If Halloween is too childish for you, take it to the next level by reading tarot cards that divine the fate of your next Tinder match or even see if you can predict your own death. Neat!

9.) Stake out Meijer and buy cheap candy:

This is what you became an adult for; the freedom to buy your own candy instead of having to walk around in the cold rain begging for it. Hoard up on all the Hershey’s bars you can get, you’ll need this stock to last until the day after Valentine’s Day (when you’re sobbing by yourself while hugging a cat) to get you through life.

8.) Entertain yourself by watching freshmen get drunk:

Halloween signifies party time for most GVSU students, so naturally, alcohol is involved. This means you get a front row seat right outside your dorm to the most hilarious drunk adventures. Maybe you’ll see the reason why people keep putting used condoms on the door handles in the dorms or watch someone puke on someone else’s shoes.

7.) Kidnap other people’s pumpkins for pumpkin pie:

As most people won’t be needing them anymore, these pumpkins are ripe for the picking. Sure, their insides may have already been scooped out, but that just adds crunch to the flavor. And no matter whether you use pumpkins from Laker Village or South D, surely the resulting pie will be better than what they serve at Fresh.

6.) Start planning ways to get out of Thanksgiving with the family:

This is it. The countdown begins until that trip home for the turkey feast. If you hate family dinners, it’s time to start planning now. On a night where anything can happen, excuses are anywhere you look. See that drunk guy stumbling into Robinson? He’s the dude who’s about to give you mono and an extended stay away from home.

5.) Steal free booze from the Halloween parties:

This one takes a little bit of effort, but hey, free booze. Put together the laziest costume you can think of (wrap a roll of toilet paper around your shirt or something) and go to the nearest party. Wait until everyone is too far drunk or blazed, then steal the leftovers. You’ll be stocked for the rest of the year and no one will even remember your lame-ass costume.

4.) Watch Christmas movies:

It’s never too early for ‘tis the season! Most students know that Grand Valley quickly turns into a winter wonderland (or Niflheim, in our opinion). Why wait until the end of October? Break out the Christmas DVDs and chug on that spiked eggnog. If you can’t put the energy into getting ahead of your homework assignments, then you can at least get ahead of the holidays.

3.) Take advantage of the campus Wi-Fi:

Everyone is going to be out partying off-campus at some other apartment complex, which means they won’t be clogging up the campus Wi-Fi. Now you can binge-watch the new season of Stranger Things in peace anywhere on campus you desire.

2.) Summon demons to replace your friends who’ve gone to Halloween parties:

While you don’t have to celebrate Halloween itself, it does happen to be the time of the year where the veil between our world and “the other side” are the thinnest. Take advantage of this event to make yourself some new friends! Find a Wiki page to cast the easiest summoning spell and BAM! Beelzebub will never leave your side.

1.) Bare your naked face:

This is the one day of the year where you can bare your naked face, and no one will blink twice. They’ll think you’re portraying a walker from The Walking Dead. If the end of midterms did anything for you, it helped perfect that costume. Just stay away from the kids, you don’t want innocent children screaming at the sight of your face. Or do you?

Midterms are over, fall is here, and the pumpkin spice epidemic is at large. Halloween will be over soon, and then you can start being annoyed by the over-priced conglomerate industry that is Christmas instead of celebrating any other way!

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